Last week, my love Andrea blogged about someone she called the Unreal Woman. She wrote that, “To me, she is perfect, despite whatever flaws she might have that I’m not yet familiar with. She’s The Woman That I Intend to Become, when I grow up.”
Tell me that Andrea and I aren’t the only two ladies who have this fantasy.
When I think about the woman I want to be when I magically morph into a Full Grown Adult, I think of a million things. I still see her as a teacher, but as the sort whose lesson plans are typed, standards aligned and neatly confined to a binder nine weeks in advance, as opposed to hastily composed a few weeks before, and occasionally altered the morning of. Of course, the Unreal Woman is every kid’s favorite teacher, she never loses her temper and her classroom is all fun and games and joy, coupled with mind-blowing amounts of learning. When she teaches parallel structure, she doesn’t sound like a hopeless idiot, and her students retain the information, as opposed to staring at her like she’s criminally insane.
When she’s not neatly grading papers, the Unreal Woman is writing. And not the sort of writing I do, lazed on my couch in front of America’s Best Dance Crew, but at a desk, in a creatively decorated room that’s painted turquoise and manages to be whimsical but adorably organized. Of course, the Unreal Woman is paid to write — and is paid well. While she’s writing, she reaches for decaf tea instead of the coffee I tend to favor in large amounts. Unreal manages to code her own website perfectly, her content is never uninspired and she takes her own lovely photos to accompany it. Naturally.
Oh my, don’t even get me started on her wardrobe. I’m sure this will be unsurprising, but the Unreal Woman is thin and fit and looks glowy-tan without appearing to be off the Jersey Shore. The Unreal Woman is outfitted perfectly everyday in a style that looks like Anthropologie and Target are attending a tea party: cute, mature, perfectly suited without being too matchy or too stuffy. The Unreal Woman would never casually refer to her work style as “fancy hobo” and certainly would never pull clothing straight from the dryer, or worse—her floor.
Not that I do that.
And while her hair is curly still, because I’ve accepted that fact, it never looks as if she’s accidentally touched the toaster’s insides with a fork. Instead, it’s shiny, well-contained and downright perky. She never misses a spot with her product and certainly doesn’t resort to the messy “half up” look on the daily. Her mani-pedi never chips, and she certainly never gnaws on her fingernails when she’s stressed out. She manages to let her eyebrows grow out between waxes without looking like a wildebeast and her skin has nary a flaw. Everyone who knows her knows “her” scent because she smells delicious all the time.
My Unreal Woman never worries about the things she’s said or hasn’t said, nor about the things she’s done, because she’s always said and done the “right” thing. She doesn’t obsess over things being awkward or weird, because they just aren’t—and even if they were? She has enough confidence to let it roll off her back. Her laugh sounds attractive and playful—not like an asthmatic hyena, as one friend has likened my laugh to, when I’m really laughing. Unreal Woman is loved and adored by all — she is never unfriended or excluded, and again, if she was, she wouldn’t care. Because things like that do not phase this Unreal Woman. It’s not that she’s unsensitive — she just doesn’t ever cry at her desk or when driving home listening to Sia or when things seem to just not work out her way or because those stupid pet adoption commercials just aren’t fair.
The Unreal Woman never misses yoga, bakes on the weekends, has a savings account that is ridiculously large, reads 2-3 books a week, has a record player and record collection that is awesome sans the hipster douche factor, vacations in Paris, throws dinner parties that are legendary, adores NPR, can tear it up on the dance floor on Saturday without having Ugly Hangover on Sunday and can do the New York Times Sunday crossword without using derivatives of the f-word OR Google.
The best part about the Unreal Woman is that she manages to do and be all this, but without making you feel bad. She’s the sort of friend you know you can call because he hasn’t texted you or the friend who will SO go to hip hop class with you because you know that even though you’ll look ridiculous, you’ll have a good time. She’s the friend that never makes you feel bad, that always returns your calls, that sends you cards and mails you little gifts “just because.”
She is in short, the woman I wish to be, all the time. And my, my—striving towards this keeps me busy.
I doubt I’ll ever get there, but man…a girl can dream.
Who is YOUR Unreal Woman? What qualities do you wish you posessed and hope to…someday?
19 Comments so far
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Wow. Just, wow. Ditto to a LOT of what you said. Mostly, my ideal “me” would involve effortless style that is always chic without being stuck-up. I’d read more books, both non-fiction AND fiction. I’d read the paper everyday instead of when I have the time. I’d care about people, but not about what they say about me. That is so key. And like you, I wouldn’t get so hurt when I was excluded or forgotten about. I’d let it roll off my back.
Mostly, I just want to be confident and glow from the inside out, with a attitude that says “I am who I am. Take it or leave it, I couldn’t care less.”
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By StaceyParadise on 03.02.10 11:43 am | Permalink
It’s funny that you’ve brought this up today; I was in the middle of a blog post titled “When I Grow Up…”, myself. It’s intended to go from talking about careers to talking about life. Funny how the world works, eh?
And thanks for sharing this. I love your ideals, but more than that, I love you as you are now. <3
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By Ellie Di on 03.02.10 11:51 am | Permalink
I don’t mean to alarm you, but as it turns out, you and I are going to grow up into the EXACT SAME WOMAN.
Except rather than crosswords, I’ll be crafting. And in my spare time from all that, my Unreal will be volunteering and being an activist for all sorts of four-legged causes. <3
My Unreal woman is DELIGHTFUL.
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By Brittney on 03.02.10 12:09 pm | Permalink
LOVE this post. So much. My Unreal woman is very similar to yours. She has a beautiful, brightly lit office where she writes, sips tea, reads books and does yoga.
She never hits snooze and always bounds out of bed happy to head out on her morning run.
She has mastered the art of intuitive eating and never feels the need to stuff her face when stress levels are high.
Great post!
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By Amber from Girl with the Red Hair on 03.02.10 12:33 pm | Permalink
wow…I was just writing about essentially the same thing…
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By Wendybob on 03.02.10 12:38 pm | Permalink
Amen! Add in “walks her dog with a bounce in her step”, “takes amazing photos which she sells like hotcakes”, and “has a freelance graphic design business that profits enough that she can work from home” and you have my Unreal.
Wonderful post! Thank you!
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By Ari on 03.02.10 12:40 pm | Permalink
It’s not something I’ve really thought about but the one thing I would love for the woman I want to be to have (man, THAT was a long sentence and on it goes . . .) is the ability to always know what to say in a situation, no matter what it is. So often I don’t know what to say, or say the wrong thing. I hate that.
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By Paula on 03.02.10 1:05 pm | Permalink
Wow, I think your UnReal Woman also has 52 hour days instead of 24. My UnReal Woman would!
My UnReal Woman would have no anxiety or fear of social situations and would remember everyones name with no problem whatsoever!
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By ButtersandRoses on 03.02.10 1:57 pm | Permalink
Oh how I loved this post! I find the way to becoming my Unreal Woman is a journey of growth and of listing out the things I want to change, the things I want to achieve, and the things I want to become – and actively making little changes in the way I go about things in order to get there. I’m hoping that one day however many years from now, I’ll just wake up and there she is
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By Emily Jane on 03.02.10 3:02 pm | Permalink
Hmm. I had mixed reactions to this post, my friend, because although of course I related and nodded my head and laughed, all while reading it, I just kept wanting to pull at your shirt-tails and remind that you that, well, YOU being YOU makes you the absolute best REAL woman there is.
Got it?
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By Hannah on 03.02.10 3:52 pm | Permalink
Oh, thank you for Hannah. Honestly? This post scared me. This Unreal Woman sounds downright boring and she’s someone who would annoy me. She’s perfect! Who wants perfection? How would your blog be inspired when you have nothing funny to write about? when all you write about is how perfect your life is and not about your imperfections?
I get the point of this blog post and that you’re listing the woman you want to become. And I agree with some parts of it. But for the most part, this unreal woman is not Titch! She’s not the Titch I have come to know and frankly, she’s not as cool and inspired and beautiful as you are! She’s boring whereas you are funny and snarky and upbeat but REAL. I love reading posts where you have to overcome insecurity and take on challenges, even if you fail. And I like knowing that you aren’t perfect, that you struggle with simple and complex issues. It’s part of your charm.
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By Stephany on 03.02.10 4:05 pm | Permalink
I LOVED andrea’s post on this and am loving yours.
My unreal woman would have glowing, clear skin, drink water all day, cook and bake using fresh ingredients, try out new restaurants every weeked, never forget to send birthday/holiday cards to every single friend and family member, be stylishly dressed, work out for the FUN of it, be able to sing, and just be able to find the beauty in everything.
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By thatShortChick on 03.02.10 5:40 pm | Permalink
I’m with Stephany- Unreal woman sounds a bit intimidating, I’d much rather be friends with a “fancy hobo” who isn’t so perfect. My unreal woman is just as chaotic as me but is confident not to mind, and forgives others their human faults, Although, she does have better hair than me.
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By Sarah Faherty on 03.02.10 6:42 pm | Permalink
I love the idea of this and may just have to make an extended post of my own (you always have such good thought starters!!)
For me, this woman wakes up early and goes to the gym. She also never misses yoga and always loves going. She gets to work early (after her early a.m. workout of course!) and is productive all day long instead of 40 or 50% of the day. She comes home and cooks a healthy meal, gets her blog stuff done, and has time to read a few chapters in the latest book. She has total and complete confidence in her skills and abilities and only rarely questions herself.
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By A Super Girl on 03.02.10 9:00 pm | Permalink
I hate to break it to ya, but she sounds stuffy and boring and uninspired.
I like you much better the way you are right now.
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By sarah on 03.02.10 9:14 pm | Permalink
this is a really good post! And kind of similar to what I’ve been thinking of writing lately. I just might do my own version of this!
Don’t doubt that you’ll get there! If you doubt, it won’t happen!
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By cuppycakes on 03.02.10 11:16 pm | Permalink
I’ve wasted a lot of years trying to live up to the pressure of my Unreal Woman. I’m finally coming to see that the real woman I am is fallible and imperfect and that’s OK! That’s exactly who God wants me to be right now. I’m so much happier and relieved now that I’m not constantly weighing all my imperfections.
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By Deanna on 03.03.10 1:08 pm | Permalink
This is so wild! I love hearing about your version of who you want to be- that’s not what I thought! I’ve had a post brewing about my “alter ego” for a little while and I need to get it out =)
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By Kyla Roma on 03.03.10 9:22 pm | Permalink
[...] This post inspired by Amy. [...]
By The Every Girl « Chasing Paradise on 03.22.10 12:30 pm | Permalink
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