*I don’t love disclaimers, but before I write this, please hear me. This is true FOR ME. This is not me heaping judgment on you for what you write or don’t write. These are MY THINGS, not anyone else’s. Keep blogging, just the way you are. You’re lovely.*
I really enjoy conversations with people who don’t blog. Especially with people who don’t blog, don’t read blogs, don’t give a flying rip about blogs. I was involved in one of these conversations recently, trying to desperately explain why on earth I would choose to live my life online and even stranger, why people would actually want to read any of this drivel.
A fair question—sometimes it does boggle my mind that people take time from their day to read about all of the weird, crazy things I think and feel and do. I am grateful, because I love y’all, but still, it is somewhat wondrous.
Anyways, in the course of this conversation, I was asked a really interesting question: what won’t you blog?
Here’s a partial list:
- Work. Duh. Maybe you’ve heard of Dooce? I love my job, and while I do discuss my profession as a whole, I am careful to never, ever reveal where I teach, details about who I teach or anything involving my co-workers, students, boss, district or administration. Kids use Google. I know they’ve found me. The LAST thing I need is someone finding out something I wouldn’t reveal at work. My tweets are protected for this reason as well.
- Anything I wouldn’t reveal to my grandma. This means all of those unmentionables: sex, bathroom humor, TMI stories, and anything I wouldn’t share in mixed company. Why? See above. I may be silly and goofy and weird (and grandma knows this!) but I can’t feel okay posting anything really intimate online. I like the fact that my parents can read my site and that if anyone found it, I wouldn’t freak out. I can link my site from my Facebook worry-free. I try to post things that are vulnerable, without being embarrassing. I must confess that I often dream of starting a “no-holds barred” anonymous blog. Many people who read me online and know me (or have met me in real life) say I am significantly “toned down” online. Consider this more incentive to meet me: I am sillier, more open and more “inappropriate” offline. And way funnier, if I do say so myself.
- Anything that is passive-aggressive or hurtful. Before I publish, I try and ask myself if I have “dealt” with what I’m posting. I’ve posted about the loss of friendships and being unfriended on Facebook. I wrote about the end of my marriage. And while those situations were hurtful, I still imagined the possibility of those posts being found of the people they were written about. I try not to use my blog for dealing with “issues” with people by writing about them before reaching out and discussing. This also extends to other bloggers—I don’t care for thinly-veiled jabs at the writing of others, or at their person. The internet is big enough for us all, right?
- Humiliating stories about those I love. And boy, do I have them. I am fortunate enough to have a boyfriend that lets me say whatever I want, and has always told me there is nothing I couldn’t blog about our realtionship because he doesn’t want to stifle my creativity. And while I appreciate that, I try to ask before I post about him, check in with friends if I’m sharing things and also ask if I can write things. I never, ever would want to tarnish a friendship or familial relationship with what I write.
- The in’s and out’s of my relationship. I think that some things are sacred. I like that there is privacy between Andrew and me. Yes, we argue and have bad days. I would never, ever air our dirty laundry online—via Facebook, Twitter or blog. Also, I keep the most private of things between us. No one wants to read gushy posts every day; no one wants to read every time we have a spat and honestly? I doubt that anyone really cares.
That being said, this is NOT a guide of how you should blog. The majority of these rules are out of respect for my professional life. I want my blog to enhance my life—not add drama to it. Sometimes, I wish I could be more open and tell you what’s really going on at work or at home or about that one person who is making me nuts! But, for the good of my life outside of the Internets, I keep silent.
At least on here. G-chat? Email? Another story.
What are your unbloggables?
22 Comments so far
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I like this list…it’s basically how I blog, too. My mom, grandma, and SIL all read my blog (and probably other people that I know) so I keep that in mind with what I say. It’s hard sometimes to keep my rules (like not blogging about work) because sometimes the only things I’m thinking about are unbloggable.
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By Ronnica on 12.14.09 1:46 pm | Permalink
I agree with you! Some of my friends told me to blog the why & how of my break-up but apart from including him in some posts I never talked about us fighting or making up. I just didn’t want to go there. It’s private! And out of respect to him and our relationship, while I mentioned we broke up, I never explained why and won’t (at least via the blog).
I haven’t shared my online presence with my blog via facebook yet partially because sometimes I have revelations that are caused by a certain real life event. I don’t think my friends would relate it to them at all or find it hurtful but I don’t want to be that person who ruins her real life because she chooses to journal her life/experiences online.
(and sorry for the book I just wrote on here. Obviously a very thought stimulating post!)
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By Nora on 12.14.09 2:46 pm | Permalink
I’m with your. My parents, cousins, aunts,and unclesread my blog. My grandparents have even dropped in a few times. I would never write anything they would approve of. Although my life is pretty tame and they’d approve of everything I said even if I didn’t censor.
So I basically stay away from work and stories about other people that they may not want shared.
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By Chelsea on 12.14.09 2:54 pm | Permalink
I think that’s a good list…and for what it’s worth, you do a great job at writing in a way that seems honest. It doesn’t ever feel like you are holding back. So if you are doing that while also keeping some things sacred, kudos to you. I always appreciate your writing!
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By Holly on 12.14.09 3:14 pm | Permalink
these are all good things to NOT blog about, i unfortunately have no filter. lol.
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By Chelsea Talks Smack on 12.14.09 3:15 pm | Permalink
Well my parents, my husbands parents all our friends and a lot of sundry family members all read my blog. I’m also awfully prude when it comes to talking about sex- so no sex talk.
I mad the mistake once of posting passive-aggressively and I’ll never do that again.
As far as relationship stuff- I almost can’t help blogging about issues- but I try to always keep mum until after we’ve resolved things. Still Josh is always reading my blog and saying ” I didn’t even know you were sorry that you did that” So maybe I should working on telling him I’m sorry instead of just writing about how sorry I am… if that makes sense.
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By The Maiden Metallurgist on 12.14.09 3:23 pm | Permalink
my unbloggables are exactly the same as yours. but you already know that. i may or may not be counting down the days until you come to boston. just…you know. creepy-ass fyi for you.
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By Kori on 12.14.09 3:23 pm | Permalink
No work and no love life stuff. I will mention men in passing but I have dated a few guys since I started my blog but 1. I knew they weren’t going to last (for the most part) and 2. some things are better kept to oneself.
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By lemmonex on 12.14.09 3:41 pm | Permalink
Yep, our unbloggables list is pretty identical. I wish I could be liberal with information, too, but I am also very publicly available.
It’s important to think about others as much as a blog is supposed to be about yourself, so by talking about what you won’t talk about — you’ve actually created a testament to your quality of character!
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By nicopolitan on 12.14.09 4:30 pm | Permalink
My list is pretty much the same. My mom and my grandma both read my blog, as well as my sister-in-laws’ sisters (which I found out the hard way when I wrote an awful post about my sister-in-law that I regret to this day.) My coworkers read it. And I constantly link up blog posts on my Facebook. So I never blog about work situations or really, really private things or even things that I know would embarrass or hurt my family members/friends.
While sometimes I think it would be lovely to be totally anonymous, I like the fact that people can get to know me on a deeper level through my blog. I’m very close-lipped when it comes to my life in real life, so it’s good for people to see me this way through my blog. Plus, it keeps a filter on stuff I really SHOULDN’T talk about – no matter how anonymous I was.
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By Stephany on 12.14.09 5:23 pm | Permalink
I haven’t really met those parameters..I think that keeping tact is certainly a rule that I would love to hold…for security and the fact that I love my job; I can’t really talk about that…its kinda like fightclub – yet I wouldn’t get my ass ambushed by followers, I would just get fired..again,,not so cool.
I think that there are things that you just dont blog about though and that the humiliating is even funnier when you blame the incidents on your friend Sandy and share intimacies while being discreet.
all in all this is very tasteful and I think your blog is great…if you did have those racey elements, it would just be like-minded; and you’re far superior (in my thoughts) to do that.
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By Danon Pascoa on 12.14.09 6:37 pm | Permalink
I think you’ve set excellent guidelines. Mine are pretty similar. My litmus test is always asking the question ‘what if a colleague happened upon this.’ I work in communications so my colleagues are very social media savvy. I know that if any of them found my blog they would immediately recognize me. Therefore, I make sure that I can stand behind whatever I post in my professional life, even though my blog is personal.
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By Claire Suzanne on 12.14.09 7:41 pm | Permalink
I also won’t blog about the reasons for my break up. I just think it’s disrespectful somehow, and unnecessary, even if he was the one in the wrong, even if he shattered my heart. I will blog that I’m sad, and that it ended, but no-one needs details and I don’t feel that I need to share them through my blog as an outlet. I won’t blog too much about my “real life” friends, either – I might mention things that I have done, or ways in which the people in my life make me feel great, but I feel a bit rude to put details of someone else’s life on the internet.
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By Janie on 12.15.09 12:05 am | Permalink
Yup, I’m with you. I never want my blog to unexpectedly come back and bite me on the arse. Work, private stories, things I wouldn’t want my Mum to read, are all no-gos. Having said that, I LOVE other peoples’ TMI blogs ;P
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By sarah on 12.15.09 6:48 am | Permalink
Amy,
This is a really solid list and you explain your reasoning really well. I think this would be very similar to my own list, but I also include a category for my things I consider too revealing for my own privacy. While I know that the blogging community can be a very considerate place, there are definitely parts of myself that I don’t share online.
This post really made me think about all of this blogging/reason for it/etc stuff, so thanks for writing
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By Abby on 12.15.09 7:52 am | Permalink
I don’t blog about relationship stuff for the most part either. I’ve read blogs/Facebook statuses etc. from people that rant and whine when they’re having a spat with their boyfriend/husband and usually, it comes across as attention-seeking and a little TMI. Why not call up a friend and talk rather than put it out to the whole world (and then end up feeling bad because NOBODY CARES!!) If there’s something HUGE and difficult in my life – not my relationship, just life in general – then sometimes I might blog about it – but only because it’s helpful not only to get it out but also to hear feedback from people who aren’t involved and can be entirely objective. I don’t blog about sex or anything I wouldn’t want my family seeing – I know they don’t read my blog (and might not even know I have one), but anyone can use Google.
Plus I teach a class on what not to do while you’re job searching – potential employers don’t want to read anything graphic, negative, or whiny
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By Emily Jane on 12.15.09 8:07 am | Permalink
My list is EXACTLY like yours. Nothing more or less. Well put!
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By Kathleen on 12.15.09 8:44 am | Permalink
Wait – I guess I do blog about work sometimes. But NOTHING negative about work, and NO personal information regarding patients.
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By Kathleen on 12.15.09 8:45 am | Permalink
It’s funny – I thought I’d be more open on my blog once I left my job and was working for myself, but I think I’m as thoughtful about what I post now as I was a month ago. Maybe that will change once my income is steadier, but I’m REALLY available online so while I’m still building my work and gaining new clients, I want don’t want to put anyone off, so I still keep it pretty general about the things I shouldn’t share details of. I know what you mean also about ins and outs of your relationship. It took me a LOT to write yesterday’s post but it’s a really important thing in my life right now, so I just had to. I think I did it in such away that preserves what’s special to the two of us, while letting you folks in on it a little
Great post – good rules of thumb!
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By Doniree on 12.15.09 9:09 am | Permalink
Mine are very similar. I talk a little about my job, but I keep it very positive. I don’t name my exact city, because it’s so particular, but a lot of people do know where I live. And, yeah, I really avoid being passive aggressive, especially in regards to things that might upset other bloggers. A few times that has meant biting my tongue, but not more than I do in real life with friends and coworkers. There are a few specific things I don’t blog about, and I’ve always meant to at least list them in a post to say “these are the things that I’m dealing with, but not talking about,” but slowly I have ended up talking about most of them anyway.
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By Ashley on 12.15.09 10:57 pm | Permalink
I’m with you on these unbloggables. I pretty much stick to the same list (and then some).
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By SoMi's Nilsa on 12.16.09 1:22 pm | Permalink
WOW. This is TOTALLY my list! Mind if I borrow it? Seriously, this is such a great reference point and a good reminder that even though it’s our blog, we still have people we care about to protect. Good job delineating all that stuff. I like the fact that I can use my blog to promote myself, but I know that people can be really judgmental and if you blog too much negative or personal stuff it can really turn off people who want to get to know you as a real person – and that’s how I want to be known. I know people who have been anonymous, and like 90% of them have been “outed” so I just never wanted to be anonymous. Actually, it never even crossed my mind. I was a diabetes advocate before, and I started my blog to continue that. I wanted to be able to pass it around. Now that I just blog about “me!” there’s not much of a do-over option.
Anyway, great post!
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By Allison Blass on 12.17.09 7:51 am | Permalink
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