I really love going out to dinner. Andrew and I switch off nights for cooking dinner, and usually at least once a week, we find ourselves out at a restaurant. And seriously, I love it. Nothing is better after a longggg day than sitting down elsewhere, having someone else cook and clean and bring me an endless stream of Diet Coke.
But here’s the deal: I think that many people need lessons on how to behave at restaurants, both patrons and servers. It annoys the crap out of me. Last night, Andrew and I had a meal that really exemplified the problems in restaurants today.
First, we were seated. And then…nothing. Seriously, 10 minutes went by and nary a “Hello!” or an “I’ll be right with you!” or anything. Listen, I understand that servers are busy. But really? A hello? An acknowledgment of the fact that there are two living, breathing, HUNGRY people waiting to eat? On the other hand, I’m not a huge fan of the “fake small talk,” my least favorite being the question for the ages: “Have you been here before?” Does it matter? Are you looking for confirmation that I’ve already enjoyed the food enough that I’ve returned? I mean, what is it? WHY MUST YOU KNOW? Even more insulting is when they smile knowingly and say, “I’ve seen YOU here before!” Especially when you’re at Red Robin for your bi-monthly date with a certain friend. Yes, we love your fries and ranch, now leave us alone and don’t judge us for coming so often.
Anyways, last night, after Andrew and I were FINALLY seated and had placed our order, I couldn’t help but eavesdropping on the table behind us, comprised of a young set of parents, their two children and some aunt or grandmother figure. I am a chronic eavesdropper, which I realize is MY ISSUE, but still, this family was LOUD. And? They were discussing some of the grossest, most inappropriate things. Like surgery, infections and the nasty side effects they have, blood, dental work and a variety of other bodily issues. Am I the only person on earth whose mother didn’t allow them to discuss gross things at the table? I know I sound all Victorian, but certain things are not discussed at dinner. Dear Aunt Hazel’s bowel troubles do not make me want to sit down and enjoy my pasta. As if this conversation wasn’t enough, one of the kids started making fake gagging noises—and the father was egging him on! I know I am super vomit sensitive, but really? Pretty sure I’m not alone in those thoughts.
Thankfully, the family left, and our food was finally brought out by someone other than our server. We were just getting ready to dig in when our waitress came bustling over.
“How is everything?” she asked, though we CLEARLY HADN’T EATEN A DARN THING.
I smiled and nodded, and Andrew said, “Well, we’re about to find out!”
Again, pray tell: WHAT RESPONSE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR THERE, SERVERS?! I haven’t tasted it. I don’t know how anything is. Our waitress last night sort of backtracked and said, “Well, it all looks right, doesn’t it?!” Why, yes! Kudos to you for bringing me WHAT I ORDERED! And may I please give my compliments to the chef for providing me food that doesn’t immediately incite hatred by simply looking at it? I mean, really. Let me take a bite. Then I will happily give you my opinion. Also: save your questions for when I haven’t just eaten a bite. I don’t think you want to see what I’m chewing, and I certainly want to avoid the awkwardness of talking with my mouth full.
Sheesh.
But, as usual, the icing on the cake came at the end of the meal, when the family discussing all manner of medical ilk decided to leave. I heard them shuffling about and then felt something on my right shoulder. It was a butt. Yes, a rear end. SITTING ON MY SHOULDER. The mother of the family was ushering her perfectly mobile 8-year-old out from the table, and apparently couldn’t see/feel/sense THAT SHE WAS IN MY SPACE. She knocked my purse off my chair and did I mention STUCK HER BUTT IN MY FACE?! I already heard enough about the terrible things happening from that end of her body, I didn’t need a meet and greet.
Finally, I realize that this will cause many of you to HATE MY STINKING GUTS, but I am a curmudgeon when it comes to tipping. Before you hate me, let me explain: I am ALL about the ginormous surprise tip for people who are working hard, giving excellent service and generally being nice. I’m easily impressed: smile at me, refill my drinks, say thank you, be generally kind and efficient, don’t make me wait forever. Also? Having worked in customer service, I know the value of being complimented to the powers that be, so I will totally call and inform your boss about how you made my night. Sadly, most restaurants I patronize hire unenthusiastic people who act as if I am infringing on their free time by being there. Sadly for them, I will also call and tell your boss how slow and rude and awful you were. And? I’ll only leave 10%. I’ve been told by many server friends that I am in the minority: that most people tip a set amount, regardless of service, but I truly believe in rewarding a job well done. So, servers: LET ME REWARD YOU. Do a good job. Or at least be nice.
I feel better now. What annoys you when you go out to eat? Am I ridiculous in any regard here?
12 Comments so far
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You’re not being ridiculous at all! I spent (too many) years in customer service and I do the same thing, I’ll leave a little card or call somebody’s boss to tell them what a good job they did if they were awesome. David and I went out for drinks and appetizers Friday night and had a similar experience – but thankfully butt-less. (that part really made me laugh, I’m sorry!!) It took forever to even get menus (it was 11pm! not prime dining time!), forever to get the food – and when we got it, it wasn’t even what we ordered. I hate when they ask you how everything is before you’ve eaten/are in the process of chewing too!!
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By Emily Jane on 11.30.09 6:49 am | Permalink
Oh my goodness! Okay, the butt on your shoulder is too funny. At first I thought she was using your shoulder as a shelf of sorts, sitting her baby on you (!) but OH MERCY.
I also hate when the server or manager asks you how everything is when your mouths are full! My brother and SIL are both servers and they always complain about whoever we get when we go out – they are both trained in somewhat finer dining, and are pretty picky!
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By Sam on 11.30.09 7:42 am | Permalink
I hate it when the waitstaff actually holds a conversation with my date. HELLO? Back off, already.
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By verybadcat on 11.30.09 7:42 am | Permalink
Finally!! Someone who thinks like me. Hubby thinks I complain too much and as per him I should ‘let things be’…
But I just can’t sit down and wait for them to appear at my table when it suits them! I’m paying for the service. Unenthusiastic waiters/resses get on my nerves too. If I’m not satisfied I wouldn’t leave tips…period. I know but why would I pay extra when you ruin my night huh? I don’t see any common sense in that..
Anyway here I was, thinking I was the only one who ‘notice’ those ‘petty stuff’…
Hi-five girl!
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By P T on 11.30.09 7:47 am | Permalink
I was a server and a bartender all through college- and man, bad service just chaps my ass. I can get past the wow-they-look-really-buys-she-forgot-to-refill-my-water bad service, but we’ve-been-here-20-mintues-and-we-still-don’t-have-menu’s-now-were-going to-miss-out-movie-bad-service-infuriates-me. Just ask for help.
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By The Maiden Metallurgist on 11.30.09 8:05 am | Permalink
I’m so stingy with tips. If the service was good, then I tip like Daddy Warbucks (ok – not really, but its still like 20% or so) but if the service is bad I have a hard time leaving any tip at all. I’ve noticed that servers (especially young ones) forget that a tip is extra – they just expect you to tip and to tip well no matter what type of service they give you. It kills me.
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By Ari on 11.30.09 8:25 am | Permalink
You’re definitely not ridiculous! My husband is a fairly consistent tipper no matter the service, but I’m always the one who bases tips on the service. No one is perfect, and sometimes, even when one or two mistakes are made, if the server is friendly and efficient about it, then I still consider that good service. But waiting long lengths of time for a menu or to order or never getting drinks refilled really annoys me!
Did that lady even say sorry for sticking her butt on you and in your face? I’m guessing not! After the fact, it’s a pretty hilarious story, but at the time, I would have been so irritated as well!
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By Samantha on 11.30.09 9:13 am | Permalink
It makes me CRAZY when I’ve just taken a bite of my food and they ask me how it is. When my mouth is full.
My mom taught me NOT to talk with my mouth full so apart from a nod I can’t say much.
I also don’t like over zealous servers or bus boys who try to take my plate when I’m not done or if they make a comment about my plate being clean and ask if I’m still hungry with a smile on their face. That’s kind of rude if you ask me.
I also can’t stand it when people feel the need to invade my space during my dinner. So frustrating. This entire post resonates with me!
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By Nora on 11.30.09 11:36 am | Permalink
Seriously, can we ONLY have Ray Romano as our server when we go to our bi-monthly appt. at RR? And people who allow full body parts ESPECIALLY THEIR ASS to touch you when they’re maneuvering out of their table and either don’t acknowledge it or move or apologize, SHOULD BE LOBOTOMIZED IMMEDIATELY.
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By Leslie on 11.30.09 12:28 pm | Permalink
This post was perfect. PERFECT! I always think I’m just very, VERY hard to please but maybe I’m not!
One of the things I hate and it’s been happening more and more frequently, is when I sit at the table with an empty drink for 10 or more minutes. Once, I got a refill AFTER the waitress handed me my check. I had been sitting there for at least 15 minutes, with my drink at the edge of the table, waiting for a refill. I was half-tempted to refill it myself. So annoying!
Also, I hate when I’m asked after 2 bites of food, how it is. Honestly, I don’t know yet. I’ve taken two bites! I haven’t even touched my other food. And, usually, the waitress will ask that question and then disappear for 10-15 minutes.
And I definitely tip based on service. Usually, it’s 10%. A couple of times, I didn’t give a tip at all. Awful service = no tip. Sorry but a tip isn’t REQUIRED. If you make me want to give up on eating out because of your service, you don’t get a tip! Awesome service usually grants 20% but it’s rare that I ever give that much.
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By Stephany on 11.30.09 3:35 pm | Permalink
I absolutely love it when I can leave a large tip for my server, but it happens so rarely. I have no problem leaving a below average tip for a below average server. My grandmother taught me that TIPS stands for To Insure Proper Service and it used to be that tips were ONLY given when the service was above and beyond exceptional, and if it was just regular service, then no tip should be given. I wish that were still the case. I know the service industry has changed in that regard, and it sucks getting a lousy tip (I’ve worked in the restaurant industry, too) but maybe you should stop and think “Hmmmm, maybe there’s a reason I was given a crappy tip?”
But oh, how I love going out to eat. I love cooking and cook almost every night, but there is just something so relaxing about having everything done for you.
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By Stevie on 11.30.09 8:22 pm | Permalink
My brother used to be a waiter, and he and my dad always get into it when we go out to restaurants. My dad wants things the way he wants them, and he wants his food cooked right and served in a timely fashion. My dad also leaves very generous tips. My brother, however, feels that anytime my dad says anything about the service, that he’s being rude. It’s very entertaining to watch them go at it.
I tip generously if service is good, but otherwise I leave 10%. Once, a waiter was so rude to us, that we actually left nothing. The manager stopped us on the way out of the restaurant and told us that leaving no tip was unacceptable! Needless, to say, we don’t eat there anymore.
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By Erin on 12.03.09 3:49 pm | Permalink
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