Earlier this month, I was really, really thrilled to participate in Gwen Bell’s Best of ’09 Challenge. I adore Gwen—like, she’s on my top 10 list of people I’d most like to have coffee or dinner or 10 minutes in an elevator with. She’s amazing. When she offered 30 Days of blogging your face off, I thought surely, I’d BE IN.
And I was. It’s a great idea.
Yesterday, after I finished grades and other work responsibilities, I got into my car to drive home. I typically wait at least 15 minutes after work before turning on music or NPR or anything else, simply because after a full day, I find myself craving silence. Sometimes, I plan dinner or think through the day, but yesterday, tears came to my eyes.
As I cried, alone in my car, I started asking the obvious question: why are you crying, Amy?
I didn’t have one concrete answer. I was crying out of relief of having grades done and work finished after a tumultuous, intense-in-all-the-good-and-bad-ways semester. I was crying because I got some semi-good news for now about jobs next year (a huge concern, can’t even tell you!). I was crying because I CAN—because I don’t have to be strong at work any more. I was crying because I was tired. I was crying because Andrew is leaving for Illinois before I am and we’re going to sleep apart for the first time in a year (SHUT UP) next week. It continued through the night. When I cuddled with Harry and Andrew pointed out his cute little pink pads on his paws. I cried watching So You Think You Can Dance because it’s so beautiful to see these kids achieve their dreams.
When I thought about it, seriously, I was crying because of all the crap that 2009 held. Finishing my quarter, being just a few days away from my break and seeing New Years approach made it all real. It’s over.
Am I the only person who is ready to just let it go? To just wave goodbye to the year, to look forward, and to say hello to all of the awesome that 2010 will hold. I find myself really, really excited. I am looking forward to a new year, a new DECADE, with big goals and plans and dreams. I have started writing down these goals, these little prayers and thoughts for myself and those I love.
So, instead of focusing on the Best of ’09, I’ll be focusing on making this the Best 2010.
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Gwen is awesome. I met her 2 years ago at BlogHer and every time I see her she’s so cool and like we’re BFFs, even though we don’t really talk that much. I didn’t end up doing her Best Things challenge, though I might do it all in one post sometime soon.
I cry sometimes randomly too. It feels good! Cathartic. Sometimes it’s just a lot of little things all at once. But yeah, hope you’re feeling better and yay for a great new decade of awesomeness!
Cheers,
Allison
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By Allison Blass on 12.17.09 11:24 am | Permalink
I am SO with you on this. I thought about doing the Best of ’09 thing along with everyone else, but to be perfectly honest, I tend to look back on prompted posts with disdain because it always seems forced. That’s not to say I haven’t (mostly) enjoyed all of the #best09 posts people have been making…just that I knew I wouldn’t find much fulfillment from doing them myself. And I think another big reason that I wasn’t turned on to it was because I, too, am DONE with this year. It’s been a great one — one of the best of my life, actually. But it’s also been hard, and testing, and frustrating and stressful. And as much as I’m all for reflection, I agree that it’s important to look FORWARD to things, too.
So here’s to making the Best 2010 a reality!
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By Tabitha on 12.17.09 11:58 am | Permalink
Sometimes it really is truly best to just let it all out. And let it go. Just yesterday I was sitting with someone very dear to me. She shared some bad news she’d received and she just broke down sobbing. Now, don’t get me wrong, the news was very bad. But this person? Just the week before? Had quite literally had one of the worst weeks of her life and had been very “strong” through it. And so finally? This new bad news is what broke the camel’s back … and I think she and I both knew that she was crying out of exhaustion and because of all the hurt she’d endured over the past few weeks more than she was over this bad news.
That was a long way of saying that I totally get where you’re coming from. And three cheers for 2010!! It’s gonna be AMAZING! I JUST KNOW IT!
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By Manda on 12.17.09 12:43 pm | Permalink
(also thank you for being so real. I love that about you)
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By Manda on 12.17.09 12:44 pm | Permalink
YES! Yes yes yes yes yes! Just… yes.
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By Andrea on 12.17.09 12:51 pm | Permalink
I’m so ready to let it go, too. While some great things happened this year, 2009 hasn’t been my best year, by a long shot. I’m definitely ready to move on. Like you, I have some new big goals for this upcoming year and I’m really excited about it.
I’m thrilled that it’s almost Christmas break for you! Relax and enjoy yourself. You totally deserve it.
Oh, and sleeping without your loved one next to you? It’s WEIRD. I do not like it. Just keep Harry snuggled close to you!
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By Stevie on 12.17.09 1:15 pm | Permalink
Oh my god, I am hanging on for the new year like you would not believe.
If nothing else because that will make 17 weeks and maybe maybe maybe maybe (please Jesus!) I will feel better.
Hopefully there’s more laughing for the rest of the year and less crying. I do know exactly how you feel though. Whew, 2009, what a crapper – but I am so happy to have come so far.
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By Elizabeth on 12.17.09 1:23 pm | Permalink
I’ve been feeling much the same way (even though I don’t have many conclusions this year). It’s been weird, though, because, while I’ve frequently welled up emotionally, I haven’t been able to cry. I’m blaming the vitamins I’m on (multi’s with 500% of my vitamin D and B12) since they’re designed to make you “happy”, but I’m wondering if there’s something else blocking it. I’m a bit jealous of your catharsis, to be honest. :3
And here’s to the best 2010. Every day will be awesome, I just know it. <3
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By Jaka Merriman on 12.17.09 1:25 pm | Permalink
Just Perfectly stated Amy… a new DECADE is approaching! Love it…. The next Ten Years are gonna be freakin’ awesome!
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By Gina on 12.17.09 3:23 pm | Permalink
I really like the idea of doing the Gwen Posts on twitter every day, or in one big post instead of it being so drawn out. Honestly, I love her & she harassed me over twitter for my comment (lol) but between NaBloPoMo & Best 09 I am like two months out of date on just the basics of what’s going on in some people’s lives. Two months to writing prompts, nostalgia, and pressure to post?
I’m always going to pass on that.
At the same time, I’m also with you on the emotional punch between this. 2009 was so. hard. 2009 was being in an abusive work environment, being unemployed, scrambling, trying to pull something out of thin air….I’m all game for 2010. I need a new decade like you would not believe.
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By Kyla Roma on 12.17.09 3:32 pm | Permalink
I am completely with you one this. 2009 was one giant steaming pile of crap for me, and I have no desire to look back on it or celebrate it in any way. 2010 — here I come!
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By Erin on 12.17.09 4:39 pm | Permalink
**hug**
2009 was probably my worst year ever. The worst. I’m ready to be done with it!
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By Angel on 12.17.09 10:10 pm | Permalink
Everyone who goes through a bad patch (whether it’s a week, a month, a year, etc.) needs to find closure. Needs to come to that point where they’re ready to put it all behind them. And it seems like you’re coming to some closure that 2009 was a growing year, a painful year. And 2010 should be remarkably better. Glad you’re finding the silver lining in all those tears.
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By SoMi's Nilsa on 12.18.09 6:21 am | Permalink
I was pumped for the Best of ’09 too, but I knew I’d never be able to keep up – I think I’ll be doing one big post at the end of the year instead
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By Emily Jane on 12.18.09 8:12 am | Permalink
I’m right there with you. Out with 2009! In with 2010!
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By Kim on 12.18.09 8:16 am | Permalink
i think you summed 2009 up perfectly. here’s to a much much calmer and prettier 2010. happy friday beautiful lady.
xo
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By lindsey on 12.18.09 8:39 am | Permalink
i agree with all of this. 2009 rocked in a lot of ways, but it also sort of ripped my heart out and stomped on it. ew, that was really emo. seriously though – i’m looking forward to 2010 in a big way.
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By Kori on 12.18.09 12:42 pm | Permalink
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