I think we can all agree that the gym is not the most glamourous, nor hygenic of places. My germphobic self basically has to shut off in order for me to go in, touch all the sweaty, dirty equiptment and get a decent workout in, but I can definitely handle it.
Side tangent: what I cannot handle are these women who roll into the gym at 5 AM looking better than I will look all day. Their outfits match, they’re wearing MAKEUP and their hair looks adorable. When I am fumbling around at 4:45 am to go workout, I’m all, “Does this t-shirt cover my boobs and stomach? Do these pants fit reasonably well? Is anything showing?” and then I go. I brush my teeth, attempt to wrangle my hair back and go. I don’t look cute, and I am okay with that. When I see these perfectly outfitted and coifed women, part of me wants to beat them and the other part of me wants to make them come shopping with me so that they can show me how to look effortlessly chic even at the gym. This is a gene I am definitely lacking.
Anyways, let’s get down to brass tacks. This morning, after I finished my 30 minutes of cardio hell, I headed over to the weights area. Generally, I like the weights portion of my workout. I feel stronger, and it doesn’t involve running, a win-win.
Today, this was not the case. I was nearing the end of my upper-body strength workout, groovin’ to Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” and generally feeling like a rockstar who can handle anything because I literally CANNOT stop mentally congratulating myself for getting into a workout routine that involves getting up before 5 AM. As I sat down to do a chest press, a man comes bolting out of the spin class room and…
VOMITS.
Like, near-ish to me. Thank god my music was turned up loud enough that it was fairly muffled, but the rest of my senses? Experienced it completely.
It was traumatizing.
In case you’re new to The Crazy That Is Amy, I don’t do vomit. I have established clearly enough on this blog my deep-seated fear of vomiting. It is intense and goes way beyond a general dislike or being skeeved out by it—like, it’s been discussed in therapy. I check a website before I see a movie so I can PREPARE MYSELF for any potential vomiting. I myself have not vomited in nearly 13 years, and please do not tell me in the comments to “WAIT ‘TIL YOU’RE PREGNANT!” because it’s something I’m not ready to accept and deal with yet.
Needless to say, this did not…sit well with me. I managed to swallow my tears, calm my shaking and walk out of the gym without losing my damn mind. I did my whole “Amy, you’re fine!” routine as I drove home and proceeded to take the longest shower ever.
The only upside? Perhaps if this guy can’t hang in spin class, I can take his place?
29 Comments so far
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Sorry about all the times I tell you about my drunken projectile vomiting stories, I always forget about your vom-phobia.
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By Leslie on 03.03.10 10:03 am | Permalink
i would never go back.
never.
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By Erin on 03.03.10 10:32 am | Permalink
Ewww… gross.
I have an aversion against vomiting myself. I won’t do it, if I can avoid it… I mean, do anything like lie flat on my back, get fresh air, breath deeply…. others seem to enjoy a good “get-it-all-out” vomit fest, but I DON’T.
I don’t know how you could go to work after this.
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By san on 03.03.10 10:49 am | Permalink
Ew, sorry about the vomit! Yuck!
I always look like a hot mess when I go to the gym. I dress for comfort and just pull my hair back. I don’t look cute, I look fat and oooglay. I wish I could look cute and put-together. Maybe when I’m skinny?!
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By Stephany on 03.03.10 12:30 pm | Permalink
Wow, that’s the bad gym experience to end all bad gym experiences. My worst experience was with an elderly lady who was pumicing her feet on one of the benches in the locker room. And of course, there are always the naked ladies who lean up against the sink counters while looking in the mirror (at what, I have no idea). YUCK.
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By Kate on 03.03.10 12:37 pm | Permalink
YOu know, it’s not so much the actual vomiting part that I can’t handle. It’s more so the few minutes before I vomit where I feel AWFUL and shaky and queasy. I’ll take actual vomiting over that crap any day.
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By StaceyParadise on 03.03.10 12:45 pm | Permalink
oh. my. I would have promptly vomited right after. and I don’t do vomit either!
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By thatShortChick on 03.03.10 1:27 pm | Permalink
A girl vomited DURING the spin class I was taking once. All over her bike. Thank god I was like 10 bikes away from her. Sick!
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By Amber from Girl with the Red Hair on 03.03.10 1:34 pm | Permalink
Oh god. If I see, hear or smell it, my body wants to join in the party. Usually I will do everything in my power to avoid it but sometimes I have lost that battle.
I now know I will never take a spin class.
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By Raven on 03.03.10 2:06 pm | Permalink
Oh my gosh – TOO awful! I would’ve thrown up myself!!
And I am still amazed and proud of you for getting up that early to go work out. Who cares if you have makeup on or not – your determination and motivation are INCREDIBLE
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By Emily Jane on 03.03.10 2:08 pm | Permalink
Heh, I feel like you have opened up a can of worms, errr, stories about vomit, in the comments here. Sorry this happened to you! By the way I must admit I feel slight twinges of “you are so ridiculous” when I see women at the gym who have clearly dolled themselves up for the occasion. It’s the GYM, people. You’re going to look like a hot mess by the time you leave anyway, unless you’re just posing on the equipment and not actually working out. Then again, maybe that’s their deal, but that would also bring on the same attitude. I don’t like to judge but I can’t help it in that scenario.
Ergo, I feel that you are more normal than them. I’m in awe of your ability to even be physically present at the gym at 5 am. I wouldn’t even blame you if you spent the entire time napping in the corner. Eeek! 5 am and I do not get along.
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By A Little Coffee on 03.03.10 2:11 pm | Permalink
Ugh, so nasty. I can’t believe people actually can’t make it to a washroom. BLEH!!
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By Margarita on 03.03.10 2:13 pm | Permalink
Your gym is so much more interesting than mine! Although there is this one guy who always chooses the treadmill next to mine, even when the rest of them are free. Who does that? But that’s all I got.
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By Jennie on 03.03.10 3:28 pm | Permalink
Holy shit, I’m the same way I’m not even playing around here. I’ve been a hypochondriac my entire life, and 90% of that involves vomit. I have panic attacks if I start feeling sick. It’s a problem.
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By Shannon on 03.03.10 4:57 pm | Permalink
You know you’re a little too involved in someone else’s life when you AUDIBLY GASP when you read the part of the blog post that talks about someone vomiting. That’s me!
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By Andrea on 03.03.10 5:02 pm | Permalink
oh ew ew ew that is just all sorts of grossness. eck.
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By katelin on 03.03.10 5:17 pm | Permalink
Wow, that seriously sucks. Even though I was “sick” my entire pregnancy, I wasn’t horrified by vomit until I had my kid, so there’s that. Also, you need to clone your cat because he must not vomit a bunch (as I never hear about it from you). But my cat? My shoes – VOMIT, my couch – VOMIT, my FUCKING PILLOW – VOMIT.
Work on the cloning business, s’il vous plait.
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By barbetti on 03.03.10 6:04 pm | Permalink
I am the same way about throwing up, I just don’t do it.
And if I hear see smell someone doing it, I must get away immediately.
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By Witty on 03.03.10 6:47 pm | Permalink
OMG WHAT?
You know I’m okay with vomming, but that would disgusting the ever-loving shit out of me. Dear God girl.
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By Kori on 03.03.10 7:32 pm | Permalink
Ew. Ew. Ew. I don’t think I could have stayed or kept my stomach settled!
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By Her on 03.03.10 7:34 pm | Permalink
That is a truly disturbing story. I cannot, cannot, cannot handle spew either. My strategy, if presented with someone involved in the act either in real life or film – and I’m not even kidding about this – is to close my eyes, stuff my fingers in my ears and hum Lenny Kravitz’ “Are you gonna go my way?” Yep – complete nutter. For a large part of my life, I would be overcome with a wave of nausea if I even read the dreaded v word. In fact, I’ve now got to breathe deeply and think of soft fluffy things for a little while.
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By Keenie Beanie on 03.03.10 9:23 pm | Permalink
Ooooh no! That is so awful! I’m so sorry you experienced that, especially know how must you detest it!! Oooh. But, seriously, you crack me up, the way you write. It wasn’t funny but your writing is hilarious! And you just have a way of telling a story that totally brings it to life.
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By Lisa on 03.03.10 9:46 pm | Permalink
Oh my god. That is so gross! I can’t believe that someone threw up after spin class. I’m proud of you for handling it like you did! Knowing me, I would’ve been like, “Oh no you di-in’t! It’s waaayyy too early for that.” Then I would have proceeded to either slap him, or just walk away shaking my head.
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By Awmb on 03.03.10 10:39 pm | Permalink
I can’t stand the SMELL of vomit. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I have children. I already teased my husband that he’d have to clean the kids up if they throw up because I don’t think I could handle it!
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By steph anne on 03.04.10 12:06 am | Permalink
Ew. Just.. gross.
Haha, I thought I was the only person who got grossed out by the equipment in the gym.. I do the weights last, and as soon as I get home I’m running to the bathroom to wash my hands.
Also, I HATE women who cover themselves with perfume before going to the gym. It’s not that I hate perfume or anything, but when I’m running on the treadmill, I don’t really want to be deep breathing perfume that you’ve sprayed on so heavy I can smell across the room. Ew.
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By Katie on 03.04.10 7:47 am | Permalink
Oh. dear. God. Gross. I mean, utterly gross. Phobia or no phobia. Disgusting. Poor you.
As for the full make up ladies, the elderly women in my gym even take a bath in full make up. I’m totally fascinated by them. Why doesn’t it come off when they sweat during their work out? Amazing.
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By Sarah Faherty on 03.04.10 8:15 am | Permalink
Oh no no no. I completely feel your pain – I’m a vom-phobe and … just, gross. No. I’m so sorry that happened.
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By Cait on 03.04.10 4:18 pm | Permalink
ahaha, sorry about the gym experience, that’s really awful!
but your story about being vomit-phobic reminds me of Will Ferrel in Semi-Pro… have you seen it? you should, if just for the reference : )
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By notsojenny on 03.04.10 7:54 pm | Permalink
Oh yuck! He must have had one hell of a workout.
Two of my coworkers go down to the gym and do this intense boot camp during lunch, look great, then DON’T EVEN SHOWER, and look great all day! How do they do it?
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By kilax on 03.05.10 3:27 pm | Permalink
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