Unless you’ve been under a rock, you’ve probably seen my tweets/Facebook posts about the fact that I found out on Monday that it’s likely I won’t have a job next year. On Friday, when they announced pink slips, I assumed I’d be getting the one I got last year, known as a precautionary notice. Instead, I was confronted by an actual notice, one that lets me know OFFICIALLY that “my services will not be required next year” (sidenote: doesn’t that sound ridiculously dirty?! I’M A TEACHER, SWEARSIES!).
It doesn’t feel real, just yet. I can’t quite grasp the fact that next year, I very well might NOT drive a billion miles to work everyday. That I won’t see my friends. That my classroom will belong to someone else. That thanks to the royally screwed state of education here in California, I might not have a life full of lesson plans, grading, essays and the craziness of middle school students. I’m lucky enough to love what I do, and I can’t tell you the unspeakable sadness that comes with knowing that I might not get to do it anymore, not due to anything I’ve done, but due to finances and this ridiculous mess of a state.
The good news is this: I have amazing people and support in my life. I will never be homeless. I will never starve. I will never be alone. And for those things, I am infinitely grateful and realize how blessed I am, to say those things and know full well that they are true.
Still, I am afraid. And I’m trying desperately not to be. Logically, I know things will be okay. I know that I can collect unemployment. I know that while I’m a great teacher, I have other things to offer the world. And I’m trying to view this as a chance to explore those things, those dreams I’ve had that I’ve sort of cast aside in favor of being an educator.
I’m exploring the little dreams I’ve had rattling around in my head. Maybe I’ll write. Maybe I’ll edit. Maybe I’ll figure out something completely different. WHO KNOWS? Thankfully, so many of the amazing people in my life have been wildly encouraging of me, saying all the right things about there being endless opportunities and this being a brand new start.
I’m trying to believe them. I’m trying to believe that all of those little thoughts and fears that creep in when I’m trying to sleep or driving down the street or in those quiet moments will be taken away. I’m trying to look at this as an opportunity to test my wings, to see really how far I’ve come since the life I thought I had five years ago crumbled in my hands. I’m looking at this as a chance to build the life I want, the life I know will make me happy and fulfilled.
I know I will be okay.
I’m still scared.
Copyright © 2012
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that! The good news is that you still ARE a teacher and you WILL find a new job and hopefully one that WON’T require a billion miles in commuting every day. So take that, state of California!
Also? What BITCHES to drop this bomb on you over Spring fuckin’ Break. WHO DOES THAT???
Awwww, I wish there was something I could do or say to ease your fears. I know it’s not easy, and I’ve got some teacher friends who have to deal with the every year. I am so happy to hear you’ve got such an awesome support group to tell you it will be ok no matter what happens! And I agree with them. You are strong and beautiful and resilient and I believe you’ll be able to bounce back from whatever life throws at you, coming in even stronger than before. You’ll have a chance to stretch your wings and try new things like you said, and find other niches to fit into. I know you’ll do awesome, and whenever you feel scared just know you’ve got a support groups of friends backing you up at all times! <3
I’m so sorry, love. It absolutely baffles me that of all the things the government could cut funding for they often choose to cut education. AMAZING people like you are preparing this world’s next generation.
I’m sure you will be fine. XO
So sorry to hear. Argh, the California financial fiasco SUCKS. I’m sure, though, that this is somehow an opportunity in disguise. We’re all rooting for you!
Like I said before, I’m sorry you received an official slip. I actually believe that things happen for a reason and I have no doubt that you’ll find something you will love doing. It will just be a new chapter of your life… and I love your positive attitude on how you have support throughout this.
I’m so sorry Amy. As someone who also has plenty of skills to offer who has been laid off twice in the last two years and is about to lose my job AGAIN (though granted, this time, it was a 4 month contract job so I knew there was an expiry date on it when I took it) I can say that yes, you will be okay. It’s not as scary as you think it will be once you’re in the middle of it… you have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking it one step at a time is manageable. But it’s also perfectly natural to feel scared.
Oh gosh, I’m really sorry about this whole mess Amy
BUT, you sound like a perfect teacher who loves her job so I’ve got every faith that you’ll find something new to do!
Hey, have you thought about checking area private schools for openings? I sgree that it is a terrible idea to tell someone they won’t be needed next year but at least you have some time to jump on the job search bandwagon. It will work out it just might be a bit stressful. Best of luck!
Silver lining…silver lining!! Sounds like you’ve found it and then some. E-mail on its way…
You have a great attitude about it and I think that is the biggest thing when going through a big change. And how exciting to explore all of your passions without having to “give up” a steady job. Really, you will do great what ever you do — you strike me as someone who always lands on their feet!
I have never heard of this before! As far as I know, where I live teaching is one of the most secure jobs you can get. That’s Florida, by the way. Anyway, you seem like a strong person, so I’m sure you’ll make it through and get something even better!
I’m terribly sorry that this happened, but so comforted by the fact that you have that great support system and a chance to explore other interests for the time being. You are truly an amazing woman, and I know you’ll be nothing short of successful no matter what you are doing.
Oh my dear, you are handling this with so much more strength than I am – I know how hard it is to be told you can be “done without”, and it’s hard not to let that not only scare you, but hurt you after you’ve put so much of yourself into something. It’s incredibly scary but I’m trying to do just like you, and be real – count my blessings in my friends and family, and that there are things out there for situations like this (like EI). It’s not fun, but things will be okay, I promise, and all we can do is try and be as positive as we can in the interim. Big hugs, friend xoxo
What a terrible way to start your well-earned vacation. I admire your attitude. One door closes and another one opens, it’s scary, but who knows what wonderful adventure will present itself? A talented woman like you is sure to find an amazing new challenge.
I think the fear is ok.. because by reading your words so much I know that you can handle and tackle anything that comes your away. Anything you do, the world will love you. I am sure of this.
Best,
Hannah Katy
All those people who say “this is your opportunity!” are so, so right, but I know it’s terrifying. I would start by maybe making a list of things that you are interested in, things that give you pleasure and make you excited in your core, and go from there. Life is too short to simply exist in it and survive. You deserve to thrive! You have already handled one huge crisis with grace and strength and I have no doubt you’ll do it again.
A wise and beautiful woman once said to me…
Maybe this is just a season…something to prepare you for a different time in your life <3
I send you all my most positive thoughts
I am so, so sorry, Amy. In the little time that I’ve gotten to know you, it became evidently clear that you love your job as a teacher – as frustrating as it might be some time.
Coming from a family of teachers (both my parents are teachers and my sister became a teacher as well), I was almost on the path to become a teacher myself. In the end, I decided differently, but that should only encourage you that there are many, many more things that you will be good at.
I know you’ll be ok.
That’s one of the hardest things about being a teacher, not knowing from year to year if you’re going to have a job
I think that fear is, if you’re smart, a part of any career path. None of us have real security, I’m sorry that you were one of this years casualties of CA’s messed up system. Best to you.
Ugh that’s so crummy. I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope it works out for you!
Oh Amy! How devastating. Kudos to you for facing this news so optimistically and courageously. Good thing you’re a rockstar- you’ll for sure land on your feet!
*hugs* that is frightening, but as you said, it’ll all work out in the end
Yikes. I am so sorry Amy! Everything WILL work out. I wish I could give you a big ol’ hug and buy you a drink!
BOOO.
Boo, that’s so crummy. Like I said, this could be a good thing. Or it could be a GREAT thing. And you can do anything you want to do, I know it. And if one of those things you want to do means coming to visit me in LA, I’d be okay with that.
Awww, Amy, *this* isn’t what your spring break is supposed to be about. It’s supposed to be carefree and whimsical and restful and rejuvenating and fun. Sigh. It’s great to know you have such an amazing support system … it’ll make landing on your feet that much easier … because no one is going to let you fall.
Damn those administrators! (hugs for you!) I can’t imagine what it feels like to be “let go” from a job you love so much. But I also can’t imagine that you’ll be jobless for long. Amazing teachers who care about their students like you do are rare these days. Any school will be luckier than shit to get you on their faculty. <3
If it helps at all…
My best friend is a teacher and she found out at the end of last year that there was a HUGE overflow in her school board (like, 300 teachers) and as a new teacher, one without any seniority yet, she was told that she’d likely be unable to get a job next year.
She pretty much felt exactly like you just articulated.
Come September, she found out she would get to keep her half day kindergarten and would be able to pick up permanent prep time for the other half of her day (in the same school). She was stunned, but obviously thrilled.
So I’ll tell you what I told her: it’s hard to believe now but things WILL work out somehow.
I’m sending happy thoughts your way!
Boo, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine losing a job you love so much. I hope everything works out for the best in the end.
I’m so sorry
this just sucks so much and i am keeping my fingers crossed for you that it all turns out for the best in the end.
Oh Amy; I am so so sorry to hear this. I’m seeing people lose their jobs left & right, as well as watching them struggle to find one so that they don’t foreclose on their house (my wonderful, loving mother is just one of those people), & it’s entirely heartbreaking. You have every right to be scared! (I would be shitting bricks, just so you know.) But I have every faith in the world that you will be taken care of. Whether that be by unemployment, by finding a new job, by having your fantastic friends & loved ones help you out… the best thing about this is that you are not alone (as you said before). I wish I could offer you tangible advice, but just know that I am thinking of you. <3
GAK! I HAVE been under a rock and so I just now read this – that suuuuucks. I cannot seriously believe that teacher/human as you wouldn’t be needed, that sickens me. And it makes me so mad that when people find something they love like teaching – they don’t get to do it.
I’m glad you’re trying to see the positive though. but yeah, I’d be scared too, I think that’s only natural. Is it still kind of up in the air (that’s fun too, not knowing) or is it a done deal?
No matter how much we prepare, we can never really prepare for this. Sending lots of good thoughts your way. I admire your positive attitude…keep it up!
I’m so sorry that your stability has been upended like this- but you’re so resilient! Just keep moving forward and focus on figuring out what you want the next year to look like. When you have that in your mind I don’t doubt that nothing will come between you and it =)
I came over through Erin (state I am in) to give you a hug.
I am so sorry–this bothers me intensely not only for you, but for your students too. Education doesn’t receive the priority it deserves. You seem like such a tough lady, and your support system sounds tremendous. I’m wishing the very best for you as you move forward.
Aw, I am so sorry!
Unfortunately, many of my closest friends are going through the same exact thing here in NJ – our new govenor doesn’t really believe in the education system and every district is looking at ridiculous state budget cuts. Many districts fear they may need to cut all non-tenured teachers. 
It makes me very sad for my friends and for you BUT just have faith that it will all work out okay. Of course it is very scary but if you love to teach, you will teach again – I know it. Keep your head up. *Hugs*
I’m so sorry to hear this but you have such an incredible spirit that this may end up being a blessing in disguise.
NOT that this is even what you want to hear, but have you thought about keeping the teaching dream but moving it elsewhere? When Sean’s job in Los Angeles was outsourced to Chilé, we sort of spazzed.. and then decided life is more affordable and just as a livable elsewhere!
I don’t know about other states, but one perk to Sean being a middle school teacher here (aside from the home price, cha-ching!) is that SO many folks are flocking here from CA and FL due to the craziness, that they are constantly building new schools here and always trying to find more teachers!
I’m really really sorry to hear the news. That is so unfair and unfortunate. I think I definitely need to get out to SF now for a visit and cheer up
Thinking of you!
I’m sorry, Amy. What a bummer. I can’t believe this kind of thing is happening to all the teachers I know. I know it’s scary, but like you said, there are so many things you can do.
I’m really sorry this is happening to you. There are so many teachers who don’t have half the passion and drive that you do, that could be cut. The education system is SO screwed up! You have a good attitude about this, though. You have an excellent support system and that’s what matters at a time like this. Big, big hugs, girl.
Oh, Amy, I’m so sorry to hear this. I guess I HAVE been under a rock – I had no idea. But you WILL be OK – like that song says, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Hang in there.
You know that bullshit cliche “everything happens for a reason” -?
It’s totally, completely true.
HUGS.