This week is really killing me slowly. Or maybe not slowly, because I’m pretty sure that once Friday rolls around, and I’ve graduated my 8th graders, I’m just going to come home and die on my couch of exhaustion and the aggressive sads. Except that I won’t, because I’m going to go see Sex And The City 2 on Saturday night with my new sister-to-be, Lauren (Hi Lauren! Twice in a month!) and our friend Courtney, and I’m so excited I could die of THAT because I love that series even if some people think it’s awful.
Anyways, I know the entire internet is sick of hearing about Vegas, but let me be clear: none of us have gotten it back together yet. My g-chat and text inbox are full of the sads and incoherent messages and questions about why life sucks this week for all of us. I mean, I didn’t even drink that much or do anything truly wild, but I am still so tired and still missing my friends and just sort of out of sorts about the whole thing. I loved every minute of that trip, but I feel like I’m seven years old again and my mom is all, “You’re not going to another sleepover party ever again if you’re going to be so miserable the next day!” Except I’m not seven, and you can bet the farm that I’ll be at BiSC 2011.
Besides that whole missing people and just wanting to be in the pool with a pink drink, there’s the fact that I haven’t even done the most basic of things like unpack. I went to get something out of my purse WHILE AT WORK and instead pulled out a sequined superhero mask and a mini bottle of Skyy Vodka and Dave Navarro’s boarding pass and then I just tear up all over again over the little alternate reality I lived last weekend.
On top of that whole thing, I’m cleaning out my classroom. I really have no clue how I accumulated so much CRAP over three years. Books and folders and handouts and student work and the thing is, it’s all organized, there’s just so MUCH. Plus, it’s beyond emotional to realize that I am actually leaving this place. I started teaching at my current school three years ago, when I was 24, single, completely unprepared for the realities of being a teacher and a Real Grown-Up. This school has been my home. I’ve become an adult there, not just because of teaching, but because of all the things I’ve experienced there. I’ve become confident in my abilities as an educator, learned how to wrangle 14-year-olds with the best of them, and learned some exceptional “your mom” jokes. I’ve made good friends and colleagues who I value.
I can hardly believe the journey is coming to an end.
Not to get all Semisonic on you guys, but I’m just trying to believe that all these endings are really just beginnings. That the end of Vegas was really just the beginning of so many new friendships, that whatever job I end up in next year will be the beginning of something even better, that next week, when I’m sleeping in and have time to breathe and there are no 14-year-olds saying my name over and over again, I’ll feel better and happier and all this weird ick will fade away.
Copyright © 2012
Reintegration into society after being around such awesomeness is TOUGH, and this sounds like a tough week with or without reintegration.
Hang in there–I’m hoping that the next few weeks will bring fresh air your way.
I like to think that it’s been so difficult re-assimilating post-Vegas for you, because you’ve come home to the end of an era. And that’s sad. And who wouldn’t want to be back in the fantasy world of Vegas. I get it. But, I also like to think your last paragraph hit the nail on the head. This is only the beginning for you – and there are so many good things ahead of you!
coming back from vacation is always pretty hard emotionally. or even coming back to a work week after having a great weekend (doesn’t even have to be vacation!) can be pretty hard. i think it’s the sudden stark contrast.
sucky
for you it’s worse because it’s in alignment of end of school year and current position.
I feel the same way about my classroom and my kids. I know that I’m moving on to bigger and better things, but it’s still sad to pack up 4 years of my career, throw away 4 years of my career, and say goodbye to parents and kids that I have had for three years. It’s hard.
the wasbund and i used to refer to this feeling as “camper’s remorse”, because it was how we felt coming back from a week in the woods by ourselves.
i so totally have “vegas remorse”. no blogger babes. no housekeeping. no flamingo pool. no room service. no hordes of handsome men leering at us as we cross the room or walk down the strip.
know what i did last night? CHANGED THE KITTY LITTER. how unvegas is that?!
*pouts*
on the teaching front: i have had some dark days, and some heartwrenching goodbyes (and i’m not talking about What Happened Last Summer), and i have always been able to look back 5 weeks or 5 months or 5 years later and say:
if i had not had to endure that hell, i wouldn’t be right here right now…
and i’ve always smiled when i said it.
i wish the same for you, my lovely.
Dave Navarro gave you his boarding pass??? That’s fucking AMAZING.
It makes me sad that you have to pack up and leave.
I hope you find an even better job for the fall!
I’m not tired of reading Vegas recaps because it kind of warms my heart to imagine so many of my blog ladies together in one space. I do tend to fall into case of the aggressive sads when I think about the fact that I couldn’t go, when I had my heart so set on it for so many months and finally got past the fear of meeting strangers (I’ve never done a blog meet-up before!). ::sigh:: oh well. I have 2011 penciled in already, and it’s the weekend after graduation, so I can’t really think of a better “congrats, self, on graduating law school” present.
Sometimes we just need to get a little Semisonic. You’ve got so much going on at one time, which is tough. I know for sure that you’ve got great new things waiting for you, because your attitude’s in the right place. New beginnings
It’s hard to let go of something you love, particularly when it’s not your choice. But I totally, 100% believe that you’re going to move on to something mind-explodingly awesome and rock that even harder. Teaching is a wonderful profession, and I know you gave everything to your students (for which I can’t commend you highly enough). Maybe, though, you’ve learned all you need to in order to do something even BETTER. <3
I think I’m confused by the fact that you’ve had your stuff in the room for three YEARS. I have always had to clear out my stuff every summer. Blegh.
I hope you like the SATC movie… I’m excited for it but I think I’ll have to wait to see it when I get back.
Yes! Bigger and better things will happen for you. Promise.
I think you’re 150% right about the end of this being a new beginning of what’s yet to come for you. As weird as this sounds? I feel like you’re destined for really amazing things, missy. And it definitely sounds like one is right around the corner, ready to hiss at you. But this time, hiss at you in a good way.
Hugs. Love. Yes.
You’re right, endings are just beginnings. I know all about that right now.
And people who don’t like SATC? They HAVE NO SOUL.
Endings are always new beginnings… that’s what I am trying to tell myself all the time, because honestly? I am really bad with endings
I hope you can get much positive feelings from all the new beginnings in your life.