Sometimes, I look around at my little life, and I wonder…hmmmm. Is this what it should be? Is this what I want it to be? Is this all it could be? And the truth is, I don’t know. I’m lucky enough to be surrounded (in real life, and online) by people doing all sorts of different things. I love the richness of experience and beliefs I see all around me in my life.
Some friends are happily married, working and settled in their lives. They are buying homes and working hard and socking away money for a yearly vacation. And they are happy. Sure, their lives are quiet and small-ish, but they are in love. They are making their mark on the world, with Etsy shops and writing and blogs and working on projects in the world around them.
Other friends are leaving behind the conventional life to travel, to be nomadic, to make the most of their 20′s. The desire to be married or have babies or a career or anything that seems status quo does not exist…yet. In fact, they regard anything that seems traditional as “boring” or “ordinary” and seem to hold a certain amount of disdain for those people choosing a more normal life. And sometimes, I envy them. I think, “A one way ticket to Europe with no plans or agenda sounds AMAZING!”
Currently, my life falls into the first category. I am in a stable relationship, a stable career, stable, stable, stable. And for the most part? I am happy. I am an unapologetic homebody: sweat pants and TV and books and baths and good friends and family surrounding me are all I really need to find joy.
Still, there is a small, almost silent, voice that sometimes pipes up and asks, “Is this it?”
And lately, it’s been getting a bit louder. I love my job, and I am blessed to have it. I know that eventually, I want to get married and have a family and put down roots. I love the life I have here, with family and friends and comfort and familiarity. But sometimes? I wonder what else is out there.
I wonder what it’d be like to live elsewhere for awhile, to spend a summer traveling with no real agenda, to take a break from “normal life” and do whatever I’d like to do.
This morning, I started listening to the audiobook of The Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Feriss, after reading about it on Chelsea’s blog and having Doniree mention a few of the principles of it in her writing as well. I’m not going to lie: I’m a little skeptical. Location independence? Making passive income? I’ve often joked that there’s a small part of me that is a throwback to the Greatest Generation, because I am a person who tends to value Hard Work and having a Good Work Ethic and punching the clock and hours spent. I am forever grateful to my parents and grandparents for ingraining in me a healthy respect for working hard, having a job and dedication myself to a profession.
I don’t want to give up teaching. But, I am also looking for ways to expand and make the most of my time. My profession gifts me with the time to travel, explore and see the world; however, financially, it is not always possible (okay, it’s not ever really possible) for me to jaunt around the world or live a certain lifestyle. But there is that other time: the 2 months of my summer, my 8 additional weeks off a year, my evenings and weekends that I want to expand. I don’t simply want to be defined by my teaching: I want a self that extends beyond job.
I guess what I want most, what I am truly seeking is a balance. I don’t think I’ll ever be a person who wants to live in a different city every year, or who can ever truly let go of the profession that I love and am fulfilled by. But the rest of that time? My self-description beyond job description? I suppose I’m looking to fill that out a little further.
So, here’s to the start of that journey. To plans that go beyond my lessons and my summers. To a life well-lived.
What dreams are YOU harboring?
Copyright © 2012
I think that the best part about wondering these things and being aware that the questions exist, are the things that come about simply from having acknowledged it. I decided awhile ago not to measure where I was by where someone else was – I’ve never been to Europe. Some people have gone there and back and studied and worked and loved and told raving stories about it. I’ve never even been to Canada! I don’t own a house. I’m not married. But those are all mile-markers for someone else’s life. I’ve had dreams and things I’ve wanted to do for years keep nagging at me and those are the things I’m going to pursue. I think just by allowing yourself to field the questions like “what do I love?” and “what do I dream of?” you open SO many doors for so much growth and awesome to permeate your life. I look forward to reading about how YOU answer that question
It’s absolutely possible to achieve – you just need to figure out what you want to do with your time.
I have little dreams. I just want to feel like I did more with my time than sit on the Internet and play Bejeweled Blitz or watch TV in my spare time. I want to have something to show for it. The things I want to do might sound small to someone else, but I think if you add them all together, you realize that I have led a big life.
My dreams are mostly creative projects and adventures to fill my time, and also just things I want to accomplish. I want to map out my ancestry. I want to collect all my family’s special recipes and put them in a cookbook to share with everyone in the family. I want to make a scrapbook of my trip to Europe. I want to go ziptrekking in Costa Rica and go on a romantic tropical vacation with my boyfriend. I want to start my own business. I’m contemplating trying to get a job with the next Olympic planning committee in London. I want to get married and have babies. I think if I do all those things (or even just some of those things – and leave room for the dreams to morph and change), my life is not small. At least it won’t feel that way to me.
great post, amy.
) and my husband is my favorite person to hang out with.
it’s interesting because matt and i were actually talking about this the other night. at the risk of being a braggart (which i truly don’t want to be), we were talking about how we’ve nearly ‘checked off’ most of the things that we want to accomplish in life. married – check. stable jobs – check. house of our own – check. travel – check. at this point, the only things that remain are some more travel, moving to a more affordable city and little roberts’ in the future. we found ourselves asking, after we start a family – then what? is that all?
i’m not sure what it is about me that makes me want to rush and hurry through life in order to check everything off. now i wouldn’t trade my life and the decisions i have made. i enjoy being a homebody, teaching brings me great satisfaction (most days
but this post makes me consider the fact that i will have the next 20+ years to be a wife, teacher and mother and that i should embrace the time i have now to try different things, develop new interests and become more aware of who i am and what makes me tick, aside from being matt’s wife and a first grade teacher.
so, after all that reflective rambling, all i can say is that i am motivated to think about what dreams or plans i haven’t allowed myself to consider because they aren’t practical or the next logical step. maybe it is time to gently put my practicality aside and branch out a little bit.
like doniree…i’m eager and curious for mosre posts about how this will manifest itself in your life. thanks for another lovely and thought-provoking post. love you friend.
I feel like this post spoke right to me….
You see, what I’m doing right now is nowhere where I want to be…
And I just keep asking myself – when’s my life going to start?
One of my biggest dreams right now is to leave home and spend 3 months interning at a magazine. Just leaving home and learning how to live completely on my own and gaining so much career and world experience. But it’s so scary to even contemplate! I don’t know if I ever could do it but if I did…I think it would be the best thing I ever did.
I spent my 20s moving all over the world- Canada, Australia, France, a few years back in the UK. Today, I’m 32 and living in Japan. I love it here, but, on my birthday more than ever, I wonder if I wouldn’t have been better off settling down at home and making a more conventional life. I can’t help but think I’d be less lonely. On days when I’m thinking more logically, I realise, we’ll always wonder, so I guess we can only make the choices that make sense at the time and try to recognise the positive things those choices bring us. It sounds to me like you’ve got that part sussed. Good luck with the travel plans. And wish me luck in finding someone to settle down with!
I have, and still feel the same way at times…you sort of look around and wonder, “Uh…” There is a sense of doing something wrong sometimes…and I’m not completely sure where it comes from…
I think a lot of it is that we are a generation that, “can do anything! Be anyone! Go anywhere!” and we hear that day in and day out in a variety of different ways, so when you choose a lifestyle that isn’t necessarily being flashy because you’re being you and you like it right “here” you sometimes feel like you’re coming up short because we’re told that “this” is too normal and that we’re caught in the web of normalcy and mediocre and average. In my more confident and clear moments I just think, “This IS the life I’ve always wanted.” And it’s true. I’ve never wanted to jump out of planes, or travel the world alone, or be different for the sake of being different…my life is simple, and that’s how I’ve always wanted it to be. And I’ve never related the word simple to boring, mediocre or unsatisfying, because my life is none of the above. My most favorite things in life are the most simple things…
But there are the moments of insecurity and doubt that make me wonder…I just have to see through that smoke screen. It’s been meticulously created, whether for our benefit or not, so I have to be just as meticulous in creating my OWN life. Not one designed for another.
Hey…and if you manage some traveling to Europe, there’s this little villa near Naples that would love to put a roof over your head
<3
This year’s been my biggie for acknowledging my dreams. I worked really hard to overcome my pretty socially cripping anxiety and I’m now living the life I always wanted, unafraid of other people and just getting out there. I’ve also really wanted to give back for a long time, and I’m finding new ways to do it and it’s making me feel really good. My BIG dreams are travel-related – I love so much to see other places, other ways of living, rich histories and cultures and just be immersed, even if it is temporary. I’m heading to Europe next year – even if it is for two weeks, last time I did it left me feeling incredibly refreshed and reflective of my life, and it was absolutely amazing. I wish you all the luck in the world!
I had the nice house, husband, and was on my way to making babies – then I stepped back and looked at my life and realized it wasn’t what I wanted. Now, I have the stable job, stable relationship, and responsibilities (2 puppies) but I still find time to let the “bohemian” me out. Random adventures, spontaneous day trips, and lots of art. I would love to be able to pack everything up and head to Europe for a few months, but what would I do with my puppies? So I stay somewhat rooted. I still want kids – but that will come when I’m ready. There’s always time.
Really as long as you’re happy with your life and can honestly say that you’ll look back when you’re 50 and be happy with the decisions you’ve made, then you’re doing it right.
I used to fear the “Is this it?” question. The second I’d think it, I’d suddenly start doubting, worrying, wondering. A restlessness, a rumbling, would slowly start bubbling up within me.
Now? I embrace that question. I really do. Because, to me, it is a sign of my own ambition and thirst for new experiences, for growth, for change and a little dirt and messiness in this clean, orderly life of mine. I think that’s healthy! Good! You rust if you stay in one place too long.
I look at every opportunity I take—large or small, short or long—to push myself beyond my comfort zone as me proving to myself, “No, this isn’t it. This isn’t it AT ALL.”
Lovely post, as always.
Okay, thank you for making me feel less crazy because truth be told, I think that the only Four Hour Work Week that book is fueling is the author’s. And I’m not really sure what’s so revolutionary about doing so- it’s just working as a full time freelancer. Am I missing something? lol
I think in all things, these ideas are compelling but we have to hammer out our own ideas of heaven and chase them down. It means having a big imagination and not buying into other people’s ideas for us- no matter if they’re pushing a nomadic lifestyle that’s meant to free you or a corporate lifestyle that’s meant to crush you.
For me it’s having a beautiful place to live, crazy puppies, my husband, and flexibility in my employment. It’s knowing that I’m going to fight for a 4 day work week when I go back full time so I can have another day to rest, write, and be at home. It’s finding people who want to pay me to write & community manage. It’s getting a cottage in Nova Scotia so I can escape to the sea whenever I like. It’s reading challenging books, having big conversations, drinking lots of tea & lots of wine, and riding horses again. It’s volunteering and having wild beautiful children who I can give all of my time & attention to.
To me, that’s not a small life, that’s something I can aspire to & work hard for. And I hope that some day I can get there =)
Throw the boring crap out the window!
As a single mother, I am constantly struggling with my true self (very nomadic, even by genetics-gypsy family) to stay in one place. Honestly, I hate it, but haven’t figured out a way to provide for November otherwise.
The hard part for me is I want to have so many children, but also have that wanderer spirit. Tough combination.
Since you don’t have children, you have so much FREEDOM because all you have to worry about is yourself, and if you were in the middle of nowhere you could be content even if it meant chowing down on bananas!
Good luck on your journeys Amy!!!
And the way I have found a temporary peace, is by travelling as much as possible on weekends and vacation. You can travel in America so affordably, and if you travel abroad, utilize hostels. Think about all the blog material it would give ya!
I feel like I have spent my whole life striving for stability. Its like my ultimate goal.
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