Don’t let perfection be the enemy of the good — Unknown
In my fifth grade class, we took a lot of notes during history class. One day, I got stuck on the idea that my notes should look perfect. Every time I made the smallest of errors: disliking the shape of a letter, misspelling a word, smudging the paper, I would rip that page out of my binder and start over. Before I knew it, note taking was over, and I was left with nothing, all because I was so sure that my notes wouldn’t be okay if they weren’t perfect.
This weekend, the above quote was on the wall in my Weight Watchers meeting, the first one I’ve been to in quite some time. It struck me, not only because it applies to MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE but because of it’s relationship to me and food, working out, and getting healthy.
I’m excellent at planning. I make good lists, schedule, and iron out details with the best intentions. But, as we all know, life gets in the way. I have a long day at work or a bad night of sleep or really crave that chocolate, and BAM, all of a sudden I’ve thrown away a week because I didn’t do it perfectly.
I know I’m not alone when I say that I don’t like doing things I’m not good at. Maybe because as a kid, I was decent at the things I cared about: school, music, having a reasonable amount of friends, reading, writing…they all came fairly easily to me. I never worried about being good at sports or math or what have you; I could easily avoid doing things I wasn’t instantly skilled at. We’ve all heard that practice makes perfect, but I don’t like that practice part—I just want the perfect part.
It’s not a good way to live.
I find myself not doing things that I’m not good at, not because I don’t enjoy the try, but because I don’t enjoy the failure. One of the things that makes Andrew the most insane when we argue is that I’m quick to declare that a night is “ruined” or a day is “ruined” because of a few cross words. When I say I’m a perfectionist, it’s not just for the good of a job interview, or to sound virtuous, it’s literally something that paralyzes me.
This affects my weight loss efforts for a few reasons. First, I start with the best intentions, but then I miss a workout. I eat a muffin in the morning and then before I know it, I’ve declared the day a wash and eat a burger or dessert or pasta, too. I declare my efforts ruined, before I finally make a list and a perfect plan and start all over again.
What my Weight Watchers leader emphasized this weekend was learning to be flexible. To adjust to the seas of everyday life. To have grace for myself when I eat a brownie, and to not let it stop me in my tracks. To lace up my running shoes even if I miss a day.
I know that my leader meant for this lesson to focus on food and working out, but I think I can apply it to life overall. I want to work on doing things that are good, instead of counting it as a waste if it’s not 100% perfection. I want to just keep trying again, to trust that if I keep going—at weight loss, at sewing, at guitar, at being a better person overall—that I’ll get there.
And that will be good. Maybe not perfect. But good.
Copyright © 2012
I’m with you. If one little thing goes wrong, it can ruin my whole day. I’m kind of ashamed to admit it, but I’m totally childish – I can sulk for hours.
I think most women tell themselves their day was “ruined” by one bad moment. I guess most of us could do with cutting ourselves, and those around us, a little slack sometimes.
This sounds so hard! I definitely used to have a perfection streak, but it made me really anxious! lol I ended up having to let go of it, and being a little more kind & generous to myself has been kind of wonderful.
I hope you have a flexible week, miss! Beating yourself up takes a lot of energy & I know if you channel that energy toward other things you’ll get more done & feel better.
Also, that you can do anything 100% perfectly kind of awes me. If I held myself to those standards I don’t think I could leave the house in the morning!
My dear,
I think all perfectionists go through that. They day it’s a good thing, to have very high standards and force yourself to be better but sometimes being somewhere in the middle is not that bad.
I haven’t got much experience with losing weight but it seems to me that you’re being too harsh on yourself. Why shouldn’t you have dessert? Or pasta? Or even burgers? We need fat in our diet, we need carbohydrates. Obviously not in excess. But a little bit, maybe half a burger instead of the whole thing or a smaller portion of pasta or a cheesecake shared with your sweetheart, that can’t be that bad, can it?
French women detest putting themselves through the ordeal of going to the gym, and yet (most of them) manage to stay fit. They say it’s because they’re eating slowly and in small quantities (no wonder food portions in Paris are one tenth of the ones here). I’m not saying their way is the best, I’m sure each of us needs to find the best routine that works for them, but I’m just making a point.
So yes, don’t give yourself a heard time about making mistakes. You’re only human. The important thing is to keep going, even if you’re somewhere around the middle… and to have fun in the process!
I’m definitely in the same boat here – I feel like if I can’t reach my idea of “perfection” with something than I might as well just not do it. Or start over. Or just THINK about starting over. It’s a tough balance to reach for me. To not just write something off because I can’t do it perfect, to just do something I want and do the best I can and let that be enough. Fortunately for me, Eric is notorious for calling my BS and telling me to just DO it – not worry about doing it perfectly. Sometimes it works.
And then sometimes it just makes me want to punch him
All my best! <3
Well said. I’m on a weight loss journey AGAIN. I was doing quite well and then last week had a very decadent meal out with friends and it all went downhill for a WHOLE WEEK. No exercise, no restraint, sweets daily. UGH! Last night I forced myself to do a 5 mile advanced walk DVD and today I’m back to counting calories and making good choices. Exercising too.
There are many things I want to try but am afraid to because of not being good enough. Those include Zumba, running, and a few other things.
I suffer from this same problem, especially when it comes to exercise. I feel like I have to run every day of the week or I have failed. When life gets in the way and I can’t make it to the gym, I just give up for the week and feel like it’s not worth it to even try. Perfectionism can be such a tricky thing.
It’s interesting, I’ve never considered myself a perfectionist but I definitely have these characteristics.
I don’t know if it’s about the perfection or if it’s just about fear itself, but I’ll often avoid doing certain things, starting new tasks/hobbies, because I’m AFRAID. But I have a feeling that it may be an unconscious fear of failure.
Good luck with Weight Watchers! It sounds like you’ve already received some excellent advice and I’m glad that you’re able to apply that advice to other aspects of your life, too!
Totally. I think we’re all a little afraid of things we’re bad at.. and, especially with the internet, it’s so easy to find someone who excels where we don’t. And it’s intimidating.
I’m in my office with tears in my eyes. I cannot begin to tell you how much this post speaks to me. Some women say they can understand how a negative relationship with food affects every other area of our life’s, but they have no idea.
I’ve been doing a complete overhaul on my eating habits for health reasons. It is not easy, but every time I fall off the wagon, I remember that not everyone is perfect. If I want this to stick as a lifestyle change, and not just a fad, I have to have patience.
I love that quote Amy. Honestly. It can apply to so much going on in my life. August has been a big jumble of emotions with very few things working out as I planned them. I’ve learned to embrace imperfections and just keep reminding myself of the quote from Anne of Green Gables, “tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it.” It reminds me that if I get off-track today that tomorrow is a new day, another try to get it right, another day to remind myself that patience is what I really need to draw upon.
Perfection is a myth. I’ve come to accept (after many years) that life is messy. And I now like the flaws and bumps in the road. It makes life more interesting.
I so totally get this. And I so totally believe in you. You WILL get there. (Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.)
When you started out this post talking about the ‘perfect notes’, I could totally see myself (I would go home and completely re-write all of my class notes sometimes, because I liked my notes to be clean and perfect!).
I do believe that there is a healthy dose of perfectionism that can help anyone to achieve more than just the “minimum”, but it also can get in a way. So glad you found some awareness to this fact this weekend and will try to apply it to all areas of your life!
“I don’t like to do things that I’m not good at.” Oh, wow. Remember when we had that conversation in the coffee shop about just that? I completely understand. Also, I could have talked to you about that forever if I didn’t have a dog waiting for me at home.
The funniest thing about this is our little quirks and messes are what makes us the most loveable.
Wow, I could have written this post! I have a terrible all-or-nothing attitude, both in weight loss and in other areas. It’s something I’ve been working on.
Oh man…I KNOW that feeling. The ambition and energy any project/goal begins with, that drifting sensation when you start to waver, and the disappointment when you realize you’ve failed at perfection again. I always feel like I set realistic goals for myself, but I’m so unforgiving when I slip up.
Keep writing encouraging posts like this, okay?
Oh my god it’s like you crawled around in my head and pulled this out. Seriously, I’m the same way. I’m such a perfectionist that if it’s not done my way or right, why bother? I hate to say it but it’s true.
I think a lot of women feel the same way. I know I certainly thought that one little slip up would ruin my whole day, especially with food. But I think the important thing is that you’re trying, and that every day, you’re still trying. It’s really hard for me to think that way, but I’ve really tried adjusting my thinking from “what’s the point of doing this if I can’t get it exactly right” to “well, I’m glad that I’m still doing this, and tomorrow I’m going to keep going”.
I believe in you. Thank you for the inspiring post.
I could’ve written this all myself, for serious. Especially the part about the notes – in high school, I never took notes for history because I couldn’t figure out a “perfect” way to do it. I would tell you all the other ways I sympathize with this post, but then I’d basically be quoting the whole post.
It’s a really hard thing to break the perfectionist habit. I struggle with it much too often, and while I’m able to let go with certain things, it seems that I still can’t let go of being “perfect” in my eating habits and when learning new things. I hope you and I and all the perfectionists out there can learn to settle with “good” instead of “perfect.”
I have to fight the instinct of thinking that if I screw up on my diet or miss a scheduled workout that I’ve ruined my plan FOREVER! I’m slowly talking myself down and realizing that today is just one day and that fitness and health are forever. If I eat too much today, it’s not the end of the world. Tomorrow is another chance to do it the healthy way.
I love this, I can completely and totally relate- we are all imperfectly perfect
Um, hi. You just described me. TO A TEE. I’m not so much a perfectionist in every day life as I am when it comes to healthy living. Had a soda in the morning? Day is ruined. No, scratch that. THIS WEEK IS RUINED! Just eat like crap until weigh-in day, and then start anew. Worst mentality ever. For reals.
I feel you. So much.
Reading this post comes at such a great time for me; lately I’ve been struggling with anxiety. And my anxiety goes hand-in-hand with my manic desire to make lists, be perfect, finish everything that I think i need to do every single day. That really wears on a person, you know? It’s easy to let our worry and concerns hold us back from something we aren’t sure of whatever it is: working out, eating broccoli instead of pasta, taking classes. I didn’t take my finance classes in my grad program until now because I was scared. It was hard. I cried occasionally. But I got through it. Now I’m facing other similar situations where I want to be perfect (without the practice of course) but am learning that the in between is part of life. =)
(Also, will you be in my neck of the woods soon?)