I am sure you’ve noticed the lack of weight loss posts here lately. And I mean, I just don’t know what I have to say. I think I feel a wee bit embarrassed, Internet. I feel like I’m writing about it more than I’m actually doing it, and sometimes, when I’ve tried to write about being healthy, I get really cranky at myself and think, “If I was reading this blog, I’d be all SHUT UP AND LOSE THE WEIGHT ALREADY.”
If you’re thinking that, I’m sorry, but please, don’t tell me. I can’t handle it.
Anyways, I’m attempting to eat healthy, and I’m not sure where I’m going wrong, other than I had a Vegan Crisis moment, in which I thought about going vegan and started eating a ton of grains and veggies and yummy stuff, and promptly gained seven pounds. And then I started eating eggs for breakfast again, and lean meats and veggies, and it started going away again. So. Meat forever. Or at least until I’m thin. I’ve been kicking ass at lunch, with soup and veggies, but then kind of falling off when it comes to snacks and dinner, and things just seem to be going badly. I’m also only doing a few spin bike workouts per week, and I’ll be honest: they’re not the most intense workouts I’ve ever done.
It’s just not enough to get the job done.
I’ve had a few “come to Jesus” moments with myself the past few days, and realized things like I really do feel like garbage if I eat sugar or drink (saddest panda) and suddenly, it just seemed so simple: stop doing that. NOW. Or at least until France, because if you think I’m going to avoid cheese and dairy in actual Paris, you are cray-cray.
I think the hardest realization during this whole process is that I’m realizing how much I get in my own way, how little I expect of myself, and how I really don’t believe I’m capable or deserving of losing weight. For example, I let myself off the hook a lot when it comes to workouts. Yes, I am exhausted, I’ve had this nagging back pain, I’ve been consumed with other things. And yet, I know from personal experience, that I feel better when I’m doing all the “good” things, like working out everyday, eating well, and generally taking good care of myself. But I watch myself make poor choices, and then I beat myself up for making them. It’s a vicious cycle.
Quite frankly, it’s hard to write about. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from the Internet, it’s that I’m not ever alone in my struggles.
Being around people who are Doing It in regards to their health, like Nicole and Drea, is always wildly inspiring, and if I’m being real, a bit jealousy-inspiring. But the thing is, that these dear friends of mine are just as busy as me, they’ve got their own lives, etc. and yet they are making time. There is Bar Method and early morning running, and just a general focus on eating super healthy. It’s refreshing and they make it look so easy, because it’s a habit. And while they are special and lovely, they have nothing that I don’t have, they’ve just decided to make this health thing a priority.
And I want, and need, to do it.
Thankfully, having awesome friends is helpful. Nicole is going to be doing a half marathon near me in May, and she happens to be running it with a few other bloggers, including Bri.
Bri IM-ed me yesterday and asked if I wanted to do the 5K version with her. And the thing is, I’d already signed up for a 5K in June here at home, so I was going to be training anyways. And the thought of running with my friends, and celebrating together, and having an actual reason to run besides my own silly goals and feelings makes me excited.
So, now I’m focused on eating well and all that, but also on meeting a huge goal of mine: learning to run. And while yes, I’ve failed approximately one billion times before, I know I have to start somewhere. I have to start again.
Today, I will eat my kale salad with chicken for lunch, and I will deny the offers of a cookie, and I will lace up my running shoes and plod around my neighborhood blaring some horribly offensive rap music, and I will start again. And this time, I hope I finish it. I know I can.
Copyright © 2012
Dude, you can do this. It doesnt matter how many times you’ve started, or tried before. It’s not a linear thing, it’s a life long process (for better or worse…) and you got this. Let me know if I can help at all, cheer you on, send along cheesy posters and sayings etc….(are you on Pinterest??)
I am not a health guru AT ALL (hello gummy bears, my oldest and dearest friend) but I am trying to eat healthier just to eat healthier and in that effort, I have given up grains, and I just feel better. I didn’t want to believe it, because, OMG: BREAD, but I think there is really something to the paleo template kind of diet. Anyway, I’m rambling. You’re running, which is a freaking huge accomplishment in itself, so: you go girl.
If you need a running buddy – let me know. I always tell myself I want to go running, but then I don’t and having somebody to do it with would make things so much more motivating!
I won’t be running a 5K (ha!), but I’d be willing to train for it.
I want in on this 5k action. I had hinted to Nicole that I might try the half, but I’m nowhere near ready. I didn’t realize there was a 5k going on too!!
Also, I feel your frustration. I’m trying to learn to run and regularly exercise. While I’m trying to focus on that (and not eating terribly), I’m not seeing any weight loss. While it’s not the main goal (the running is getting better), it’s still frustrating. Do you have any good blog suggestions – i feel like I’d love to read more blogs where people are talking about this, but don’t have any of that variety in my reader.
Part of the joy of reading your blog is that you are SO DETERMINED, & you are also REAL, which means you’ve fallen off the horse or wagon or whatever a few times, but you always keep going & try again. I, for one, appreciate the honesty of your telling us that, & I find inspiration in watching you try again & telling us about it & encouraging us, indirectly, to do the same.
Lots of love.
You are awesome. No, really. I am excited for you, learning to run! As I am still learning (and there are days where I say I DON’T LIKE THIS) I know I will learn from you. Eating healthy is dang hard, I don’t care what they say. I ate two lovely lettuce wraps (full of good things like turkey and hummus and avocado) for lunch yesterday and was STARVING far beyond supper. It was dumb. Just keep on keeping on.
That’s great that you have signed up for a couple of races! I think for me, having that goal to reach is what keeps me going. It keeps you a little bit more accountable!
I think it’s interesting that you tried to go vegan and actually gained weight. I am glad you mentioned that, because I really believe in not cutting out anything entirely, but just limiting some of the things that are not as healthy, and it’s nice to know that it works for you as well!
Lady, you got this. I understand where you’re coming from about feeling a little embarassed, but honestly, I don’t think you have any reason to be. You’re trying to change something in yourself, and you’re letting us in on your victories and struggles – which, to me, makes you way more accessible. I want to hear when my favourite bloggers are struggling with something (of course, I mostly want to hear when you’re taking the world by storm
), because it’s relatable, and you may have a reader with some fantastic advice show up!
That being said, a little while back I wrote about how I gave up on a 2012 goal mere days into the new year (http://livingdink.blogspot.com/2012/01/sunday-how-to-calling-it-quits-without.html), and I taught myself a valuable saying: it’s not giving up, it’s starting over. Maybe twist the words around a little and you’ll have your own motto for this getting healthy and fit part of your life
.
Now, I’m going to go ahead and end this novel.
Okay, you can TOTALLY do this. During my pregnancy, I gained 55-60 lbs. I stopped counting. Gah!! And… I wasn’t in tip top shape when I GOT pregnant which is why I cried when I found out. Obviously that didn’t stop me from eating like I was carrying quadruplets. Anyways, I’m on this VERY long, pain in my ass, journey to losing weight. I NEVER thought I could lose weight in the two-digits! But, I’m 22 down. Seriously, I eat fun stuff. Really, I do! Some pasta here and there, some delicious oatmeal banana carrot cookies with chocolate chips, dark chocolate for snacks. But the biggest thing for me is weight training. It builds muscle which helps you burn calories during your day doing NOTHING!!! Also… I add everything I put in my mouth to my fitnesspal app – which helps me know how many calories I have left.
KEEP AT IT! 
)
I know people always say, “If I can do this, so can you”… and you think, ugh, just SHUSH…. but seriously?!?! I’ve lost 22 lbs and I know you can do it!!!
I feeeeeel youuu! Every time I get on a gym kick, after a few weeks of doing good, it always fades out. Then I tell myself that walking the dogs is good enough, at least I’m getting exercise! Then it goes to, well at least I walked out of the house (just kidding). And like you, I make excuses telling myself I’m just too busy and tired (even though I know going makes me feel SO MUCH BETTER). And the other issue is I looove sweets, and I really don’t eat too much food and am not a snacker, I will eat way too much at one meal. Then be like, well now I need dessert. Problems!!!
oh.my.goodness, this “And yet, I know from personal experience, that I feel better when I’m doing all the “good” things, like working out everyday, eating well, and generally taking good care of myself. But I watch myself make poor choices, and then I beat myself up for making them. It’s a vicious cycle.” resonates with me SO SO much. I KNOW I feel better, I know I have more happy endorphins, I know I look better and yet, I don’t do it. I tell myself I will do it, then I don’t do it. WHY?!? Why is it not a priority? Why does my body just not like the healthy habits that make it feel better? Why does the TV and processed junk food win out over the activity and better tasting real food? Why?!?
oh sweet baby jesus this is the story of my life. except in my version, i find that after several days of working out and eating, i decide to reward myself with junk, booze and skipping workouts.
i have been overweight for more than 10 years. EVERY DAY i tell myself that this is it. blank slate. new chance. and i feel like every day i fail. it sucks. it makes me feel bad about myself and my capabilities. then i go to bed feeling like i will always hate my body.
one thing i CAN say is that i can do running. right now i am only running 2ish miles. but i am doing it. be prepared for some days to feel awesome and other days to just suck. but you are doing it and that is what matters! i’d love to know what race you are doing and maybe join you. i like to have a goal!
good luck to you. and me. and all of us who struggle. and thanks for being brave today and writing your story. you never fail to amaze me!
Thank you sooo much for writing this. This is the post I’ve been avoiding writing, the exact same thing is happening in my head right now. It’s so frustrating to know when you’re standing in your own way and not finding the drive to change it. It’s inspiring to see you go for it! You can do it!
I’m a total non runner. Who now, apparently, runs. I mean. The thing about running is that its just like walking, except faster.
I ran five miles the other day and wondered the entire time how it was even possible. Because three months ago I could only jog for 30seconds at a time. So. You so have this. You CAN do this.
I think that is all amazing. It is so hard to follow through, but once you get into the pattern, it becomes *almost* automatic.
I really needed to read this post today. I’ve been struggling a lot lately and I think it’s refreshing to read that others do not have it all together either. I beat myself up over it so much but I also know it’s just part of the process, of learning & growing. We’ll get there.
“And while yes, I’ve failed approximately one billion times before, I know I have to start somewhere. I have to start again.”
Oh Amy… you have no idea how much these words resonate with me. I blogged about resolutions on January 1st and here it is nearly the 1st of March and I wish I could do a post about how awesome I’ve been with all of these good things I’d resolved to do for myself and ummmm… I can’t. BUT just yesterday I got back on myfitnesspal.com, I logged a perfect day, and I feel RESOLVED to keep doing it. It’s not easy. I might fall off the wagon AGAIN. Falling off and getting back on is better than never trying to get on in the first place, right? RIGHT!
I hear you. These are almost my exact thoughts. :/ But like you said in the end…back on and back off is better then always being off. You’ve got it, I’ve got it. It’s in there.
I know what you mean about trying to make the Health Thing a habit/priority. When I started trying to lose weight last October, it was only something I was focusing on sporadically, rather than every day. When I didn’t see any weight shedding, I realized that I needed to make this diet and exercise thing a LIFESTYLE change, not just something I do when I feel like it. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve managed to lose 10 pounds and keep it off, which makes all my hard work and sacrifice worth the effort.
I’ve also started running again (4x a week for 30-40 minutes). I’ll be back in Sac at the end of March, so if you ever need a running buddy, let me know!
Good luck, you will do great! The running thing is not easy. I mean, I vividly remember the days where running a mile seemed impossible, but I kept at it… And running w/ friends is so much fun as it keeps you motivated!
Best of luck, friend!!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. If it was easy to be healthy, we wouldn’t have an obesity crisis in the US or UK, would we? Running with friends is a great idea, it makes it so much more fun. You can do it, just don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t come easily, and you can start again any time you want, as many times as you need, because it’s your journey and you get to choose the route it takes.
“But I watch myself make poor choices, and then I beat myself up for making them. It’s a vicious cycle.”
That is just so accurate to my life. I’ve been doing pretty well on eating healthy but after a healthy eating day I’ll be all “oh well I ate so well all day, I can totally eat this junk food thing just this once”.. but like repetitively every day. Or if I’m lazy to cook then my eating habits suffer. Vicious cycle indeed.
As for Paris, DO NOT DEPRIVE YOURSELF OF FOODS no way! Also, fun fact, if you’re doing a lot of walking instead of cabbing etc, you’ll find that it DOESN’T EVEN MATTER. When I went to Greece this summer for 3 weeks I ate anything I wanted (read: ice cream every night) and I lost weight when I came home, even though before leaving I’d been counting calories to lose weight. It’s so weird, but happiness on vacation + that extra exercise you don’t always get? TOTALLY helps. So keep that in mind
We all struggle when it comes to this thing, but you’ve got great people around you & it sounds like you’ve got some good motivation to kick start your healthy habits again. Good luck!
YOU CAN DO IT! Every day is about starting over again, so don’t feel bad if you feel like you’re “starting oveR” We all do that every day. You deserve health and happiness, so just remember we are all here to support you.
You are a total rockstar! I don’t have any tips for the healthy eating since that’s something I’m struggling with as well, but the running? I did that! I started training in November for my half-marathon and as someone who never ran before, here’s my honest opinion: Set a schedule, post it somewhere, go to bed early if you have morning runs, keep going (the first few weeks suck!), track your progress, and reward yourself. One of my favorite parts of training were Sundays when I had long runs. They were such a challenge, but I knew once I was done, I could relax and watch movies all afternoon. Win!
I do this to myself. ALL THE TIME. Like if I am not vigilant and constantly being “good” I am a failure and then the cycle of beating myself up amps up and takes off where in I spiral for days/weeks/months in self-loathing until I get so sick of myself something finally shifts.
Lately I have been trying to look at my body/image journey as one big ride. Like those moments where I feel like failing maybe I am just trying to delve into a new aspect of it. Maybe it’s bullshit but for me, I’ve spent my life loathing how my body looks and shaming myself for it and I AM SO OVER IT. It takes up so much brain/heart space. I’m working on imaging myself as someone who loves and accepts herself. I’ve tried every diet. I work out 5-6 a week. I’m still heavy. For me it’s deeper and it’s emotional.
I feel better when I work out and that part has gotten easier but I still make “bad” choice with food or drink and then I wonder, through my sugar-induced headache, why I did that to myself.
All this is to say, I feel you on this and I’m cheering you on.
Yes, you absolutely can do this!! You are an absolute rock star and you can kick the ass of a 5k, no doubt.
And I’m also glad that you’re going to eat all the good stuff in Paris because I’ve got a feeling it just wouldn’t be Paris without all the delicious food. Plus, I’m figuring all that walking I’ll be doing will equate to a gazillion calories burned that I’m allowed to eat in crepes and cheese and fine French wine.
I am the most unlimited excited for you to run with me. And dude, getting in your own way is totally normal. In my experience, you keep getting in your own way, over and over again, until you just… don’t. Until you’re so sick of sabotaging yourself that you’re all, “Fine. FINE. I give up.” And then you try something different. That’s what happened to me with alcohol, and sugar, and exercise, and ALL THE THINGS.
You’re determined, you’ll get what you want. No doubt!
<3
That’s funny because I feel the same exact way about people who are reading my blog and I’m pretty sure they have thought that. It’s not easy. But I’ll tell you that I don’t think that way of you when I read your blog. I’ve seen you succeed with eating better and it’s your effort and motivation that has gotten way better. I need to work on that myself. You’re an inspiration!