If you read blogs, it’s likely you’ve run across the Life List and/or a hater of the Life List. Obviously, I fall in the first camp, as demonstrated a few inches above these words. I made one for a few reasons. First and foremost, I love lists. I loved the idea of making a list of things I want to do, of writing down all the little hopes and dreams that have wormed their way into my thoughts over the years. I also like the feeling of checking things off a list, mostly because I like “gold stars” and of course, attention, even if it comes from me. I get an enormous sense of satisfaction from checking things off of my list.
Recently, I applied to attend a retreat run by a blogger who has sort of “claimed” the Life List and re-named it with her branding. Let it be known that I read her site faithfully, don’t plan to stop and this is NOT a rant about her in any way. As you might guess, I was not accepted to attend, and now that attendee bios are being released, I completely get why: it’s much bigger-name bloggers and as last year’s event demonstrated, there definitely is a marketing aspect. While Just A Titch is growing, it certainly doesn’t have the pull of some of these other blogs. No hard feelings there.
Still, there is an aspect that does bug me about this whole thing, and that is that I feel like by selecting people based in part on their Life Lists, there’s some sort of message there about whose Life List is worth accomplishing, or whose items are the “coolest.” I feel like a Life List is personal. I am definitely inspired by the Life Lists of girls I know and love, but that’s because it’s their list and it fits their personalities. I made a list that was all about me, and my dreams. I didn’t add things to my list to be seen as cool or to be accepted on a retreat: I added them because they’re the things that I want to spend my life accomplishing. And while sure, I would have loved to spend a weekend with women from the Internet who are doing amazing things, I mostly want to feel good about the things that I’m doing because they have value for me. It just seems very counter-intuitive to make a list and have it analyzed for awesome.
The other side of this coin is that I don’t want to spend my life chasing these moments that are “on the list.” Sure, I’ve had some of the experiences on the list, but I’ve also had decidedly awesome moments that I didn’t plan. Watching fireworks on the hood of Andrew’s car in a Sonic parking lot instead of the fancy 4th of July plans I thought I had, and realizing how much I loved him two summers ago. This past Christmas Eve, with just my immediate family and Irish coffees and Yahtzee. Those days with nothing but green lights and good news and absolute joy. You can’t manufacture those moments, or anticipate them: they just happen, unscripted.
Sometimes, I think about keeping the bookend to the Life List: the moments of life that are good, that don’t require anything crossed off, but instead, require the addition to that list we all keep, those moments that mean the world to us, the things that keep us going on the darkest days. Yes, I think I’ll start a list like that, maybe not on my blog for everyone to see, but somewhere just for me.
Copyright © 2012
Another thoughtful post, as usual.
I think it’s important to keep a tally of life’s delightful surprises. I consider myself an optimist, but too often I find myself remembering only the moment when someone was mean, the minute that I felt small, the worst example of something. I’ve started a journal to keep track of the best things, to read through whenever I have a bad moment.
I agree with you that everyone’s life list is and should be different (and personal). I enjoy individuality and don’t like the “let’s be twins” affect. That bores me.
The decision to list something on a life list should be based on a true and deep desire to achieve that goal. It shouldn’t be about the cool factor.
I’m of two opinions about Life Lists: first, I need to write mine. Then, I think they’re another tool women use to compete with each other when they were created to encourage us to live our best lives.
You have a good point about how valuable the great moments that just blindside you without notice are. They’re the ones I go back to when I need a boost, not the time I gave someone a rubber chicken. (That was on my mental version of the Life List.)
I love you Amy!
I can’t believe that the number of times we have met is just a handful, because the level of intimacy you share here makes me feel that we have been dear friends forever.
I 100% agree with your amazingly articulate self. Lists are so personal, and shouldn’t necessarily be created just to have the “wow” factor or whatever.
I agree. With everything.
I think I’ll start keeping my unscripted moments list today. Starting with “lying on the tennis court, watching shooting stars.”
Well I made a 30 before 30 list and while I’m excited to work on it, I’m trying to let the things on in it flow into my daily life/routine. If it does, great! If not, I’ll work on it a bit but it won’t be the only thing that I focus on because like you said, life happens, whether there is a list or not.
I agree with you about life lists. I’ve read through some lists and I think they’re all unique and don’t judge them by which ones are the coolest and so. Even the fact that you & other bloggers have a list created is so cool & unique already right there. I know I want to create one but have not gotten around to it yet.
I love this post. You’re so right, life happens and that can’t be anticipated in any list! I also love the idea of writing down little moments that WEREN’T anticipated, but that mean a lot to you!
While I’m not personally into life lists, I’m not a hater, either. To each their own. Though, I will say that no matter what kind of list you keep (those of goals or those of accomplishments), it what makes you feel good. The minute you start keeping that life list in the hopes that others will positively judge you is the moment you’ve lost focus. It’s not about them. It’s about you.
awe-some, amy. love this so much.
it speaks to several things that have been coming up for me lately —
mostly how there seems to be a pervasive wanting to be like everyone else. *you* have all the answers and i need to be like to you, or find out from you… instead of figuring it out for me.
you’re so good at playing both in and outside of the box. using the structure of something… and then ditching it.
thank you so much for this wonderful (and well written and, dare i say, worthy of any “blog retreat”) post.
xo
Oh, Amy, you’re so smart. I like my Life List & certainly am going to hold myself to much of it, but I feel like it puts a lot of pressure on me to succeed – at what, my own life? And did I make the list too quickly? What of the other things I truly want to do that I forgot to put on the list?
Maybe we should all just live big, live well, live happily – all the time, nothing to cross off.
I love this post. The last paragraph is especially wonderful.
What a great idea. It’s too easy to forget those little moments of pure joy.
Life lists are a good way to keep focused on what you want to achieve in life, but I guess they can disract from focusing on what’s going on now. Making a list of life’s great moments seems like a more productive way to go to me. And no one should ever be made to feel their goals in life are not good enough; your list is yours, and I wish you well in accomplishing everything on it.
It’s posts like this that make me want to meet you in real life ASAP.
I agree with you SO MUCH and it irritates me a little bit that people are comparing one person’s life list to another and feeling like someone else is coming up short. We’re all at different stages in our life and all want different things. There’s enough judgment in the world, let’s not bring it into life lists as well!
This post provides such good perspective. I often get wrapped up in crossing things off the list (for work, at home, etc) but it’s important to remember that not everything is about THE LIST.
Love this post.
I’ve been thinking a lot about life’s little (and sometimes big) unscripted moments and how I need to remember to focus on them from time to time and appreciate them as they come and go. Sometimes I try too hard to orchestrate everything when what I really need is to just relax and let life happen.
I too have a “Life List” (although I like to refer to mine as my “Bucket List”) and I love jotting down my goals, dreams and ambitions. It’s a way of holding myself accountable while also looking forward and being anxious and excited for what the future has in store.
The part of your post that registered the most with me is when you write, “Those days with nothing but green lights and good news and absolute joy. You can’t manufacture those moments, or anticipate them: they just happen, unscripted.”
I love that. Great post, Amy.
I hope that while you’re on your little blogging vacation you start this list of amazing moments for yourself. Just for you. <3