So, guys? I think I might have lied to you. Not on purpose, of course. But last week, I said that this date was my worst bad date ever. Several of my offline friends emailed or told me, “No, no, no Amy…how could you forget?”
And yes, they were right. There might be someone who surpasses even that hot mess of a dude.
That same friend who hooked me up with the beer chugger hooked me up with this guy, too. Sure, he was a little older (um, ridiculously older, but she didn’t know his age) but he was very sweet and caring and nice. He liked art, played guitar and was attractive. Since I was all about the dating, I thought it sounded OK, and agreed to go out with him.
He asked to meet me downtown at one of my favorite sushi places on Halloween. Dinner was surprisingly awesome. He was really funny and mature, was a fantastic conversationalist and seemed genuinely interested in me. I was thinking that this guy had potential for a really great thing. We were interested in the same music, and he claimed that he was an outstanding guitarist.
After dinner, he drove me home, and there was a loud party going on in the apartment across the way with some shady looking characters hanging out around the front (not uncommon for where I used to live!) so he said he’d walk me up. We got to my front door and I opened it. He spotted my guitar and asked if he could see it. Let me pause here and say I KNOW, I KNOW—I doubt he wanted to “play my guitar” in the literal sense, but I’m decidedly not that type of girl, so I let him know that wasn’t going to happen, and had him come in.
He tuned the strings quickly and said that he was going to play a song that meant a lot to him, something that had a lot of importance in his life. I won’t lie: I expected some sort of love song.
Instead? He broke into the unmistakable opening of the song “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M.
Perhaps this wasn’t the most appropriate reaction, but I couldn’t help breaking into some sake-and-nervousness fueled giggles. Who goes on a perfectly HAPPY date and then decides to bust out some moody sad music?! On a first date, nonetheless. After a few bars, I guess he got the hint that I wasn’t uh, going to stop laughing any time soon.
Sorry dude.
He clearly didn’t appreciate my laughter, because he immediately started rambling about how important the song was to him, and how it reminded him of the hardest time he’d ever been through. And thus began the longest story I’ve ever heard of sadness, depression and anxiety, and a grave tale of how he attempted suicide.
By taking FOUR Tylenol PM.
Disclaimer: I’m a sensitive person, who has struggled with depression and suicide and all that jazz, so no, I’m not a totally heartless person. But really? Four Tylenol PM is what I take when I can’t sleep. Four Tylenol PM is perfect for a weekend night when you know you can just sleep in the next day. Four Tylenol PM is, is, is…RIDICULOUS.
I swallowed my laughter, and he said he was too bummed to hang out anymore. FINE BY ME, DUDE. He left, and then called me the next day to apologize and ask if he could take me to lunch for a “re-do.” I thought he knew he’d sort of made things awkward. Instead? He asked me at lunch if I was normally so insensitive and said that our interactions must have been hard for me, because “he could tell I’d only dated emotionally unavailable men.”
I’m not saying he was wrong, just that our second date probably wasn’t the best time to make such an observation.
After this date, I didn’t let my friend set me up EVER AGAIN.
Copyright © 2012
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Amy. Amy said: New Blog Post: Everybody Hurts…: So, guys? I think I might have lied to you. Not on purpose, of course. But las… http://bit.ly/dssjeW [...]
Wow.
Four whole Tylenol PM? It’s a wonder he made it through and stayed away from the light.
Maybe his emotional availability saved him?
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Hmmm…. Could have been worse! He could have gone into a rage and smashed your geetar!
Four Tylenol PM.. must have a really low tolerance.
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I love that you laughed. I’d have done the same thing. Only I probably wouldn’t have contained it. There might’ve been tears.
I’m emotionally unavailable and thus, can do that. Laugh at people somewhat mercilessly.
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HOLY OMG.
I’d say you dodged a bullet with that guy! Seriously? FOUR TYLENOL PM?! You don’t say!
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That’s horrible! I would have peed my pants from laughing after he busted out the REM. I can only imagine what he would have said to me on our second date.
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Did he only have 4 or something? How does anyone think 4 tylenol PM will do anything other than make you REALLY tired? Man, I thought my sister’s friend was bad when she “attempted suicide” by taking like 14 advil. 14 advil won’t do much either, but at least it’s in the double digits. Sheesh.
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I TAKE FOUR TYLENOL PM SO I CAN TAKE A NAP.
Well, just kidding.
But, god. Who was this guy? Tell your friend she shouldn’t quit her day job to become the town matchmaker. Clearly.
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I am having a case of the giggles, which, thank you! I needed that.
What a strange and horribly awkward date! And did he really ask you on a second date so he could SHAME YOU?!?! What the eff, dude?
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Wow. Just wow. You’ve met some pretty… interesting… guys, huh?
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HAAAAAAAA!!
I mean, really, how DID you forget about this!??! Probably just because your imitation of Beer Chugger is most likely way more funny than your imitation of Sad Guitar Player.
Amy, I can’t wait to see you!!
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This is the greatest story I have read this season, and is in the running for the best story I’ve heard this year. I can’t even… there are no words.
Everybody hurts sometimes. But other times, everybody points a finger and laughs.
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Wow.
I see you the four tylenol PM dude and raise you a guy who asks you to go on a date at Wal Mart once you’ve met at the designated meeting spot. Things are weird, real weird, so you leave. He calls you FIVE TIMES in a row. Leaves messages sobbing. Starts telling you that he would have been a dad had his recent ex kept the baby. That he thinks you’re the most beautiful thing ever and you’re the only hope he has. He sends you flowers at work even though you dont’ call him back. He then calls you at work, though you don’t know how he got the number…and cries then too.
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well… you win, my friend. Just, like, over & over. I hope Andrew is a keeper, because after this, you deserve one. And… I hope I am never anyone else’s bad date story.
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Holy hilarious. I’m so glad your friend can’t set you up anymore. I would be hysterical if that happened to me. Hahaha.
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lol! That’s *so* amazing.FOUR whole tylenol PMs?
*sigh* Other people are just unknowable, aren’t they? lol
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Haaaaah, what! That’s so crazy. I am thinking you need a weekly dating story blog?
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EWWWW! He probably listens to too much emo music as well.
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[...] post is inspired by Amy; it’s surprisingly comforting to hear of other bad dating experiences. At one time in the [...]
Sometimes when I get down, I like to take 3 quick disolve unisom and play how to save a life by the fray in hopes that it will somehow end it all.
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@JamieLight Not to be a lame ass, but I blogged it here: http://t.co/kk0H21r
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