Ugh, I don’t like this one.
Sorry, it’s true. This year has been rife with challenges, real ones.
Sometimes, our biggest issues aren’t necessarily visible. They are inside of us, where no one can really see them, besides a glimpse here or there, or a conversation in whispered tones. Yes, there is work and relationships and life in general and the fact that my car windows get smashed at least twice a year. But the truth is that my biggest challenge is myself.
Yes, me. I am my own biggest challenge. I get in my own way. And this year has been all about realizing it. About seeing how I’ve yet to get my weight under control (ugh), how I need to learn to say NO, how I need to be confident in what I’m doing, how I need to trust myself and trust those around me.
When I was a little, mullet-wearing, bespectacled dork with wicked acne and a clairnet in hand, I wasn’t what you’d call confident, but I had this other thing in me; this fight. Even through college, my young adult years, I possessed this sense that I could do anything, or accomplish anything, or be anything I wanted. Slowly, the older I got, and the more I endured, it somehow slipped away. Sometimes, I look back on the past few years and still marvel at all that those years have held.
2009 has been all about taking a hard look at myself, and seeing what I need to do to improve. Seeing the holes and starting to patch them. The biggest challenge has been realizing that it’s not anyone else’s fault or problem, it’s realizing that I hold the key.
Now, I just need to decide what to do with it.
Copyright © 2012
Amy, you are amazing. It’s rare to find someone who has as much self-awareness as you do. You always seem to be actively seeking ways to improve yourself and your world. None of us are perfect, but I love it that you acknowledge your weaknesses/problems/faults, or whatever you want to call them (I really don’t like any of those words…) and make goals for yourself to make things better. Even if you don’t necessarily always reach those goals, I love it that you’re always trying.
You are an inspiration! ♥
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I am absolutely my own biggest challenge. During a particularly introspective point in my day today, I realized that 2008 was a totally shitty year, 2009 was a “think big thoughts” year, and that 2010 will be an “actually get out of my own way and accomplish shit” year.
Cannot wait to live closer to you, lady!
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I think the real challenge is to go back to examining your life year after year. I find great solace and enjoyment in self reflection and attempted self improvement. As far as that’s concerned there is no where to go but up, so you can’t fail.
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Wow, I saw so much of me in this blog post. I’ve finally realized this year as well, that I hold the key, all the power to do what I need to do for me. I’ve spent so much time (years!) expecting others to help fix problems and looking to them for the answers. Life is very different finally taking responsibility for one’s self.
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if i were to write a best of 09 entry for challenge, mine would echo yours.
sigh. thanks for sharing it
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