Be Kind, Online

Oh Internet, this post is sensitive, but it’s been on the tip of my tongue for months. And quite frankly, you’re breaking my heart. I’m not writing to judge or what have you…just writing from a genuine place of hoping to see and do better.

One of the things I noticed most from my digital sabbatical was the fact that I was considerably less agitated that day. I hadn’t realized how much of what I was consuming online was negative, or at the very least, consisted of some very strong opinions. As I’ve logged in to Twitter since then, there have been several occasions where I’ve had to just shut it down because I felt so down reading it.

I think we can do better, friends. I’ve witnessed first-hand the kind of love and support that can come from a blogging community. I know it’s still there; however, more often than not, I feel like I see so little positivity and kindness happening online. And I want to see that change.

With that, a few check-in’s and suggestions that I’m practicing lately:

Negativity checks: We all have bad days, we all have things we need support in. That’s not what I’m discussing here. But I challenge you to look through your last week of tweets: how many of them are complaints (no matter how small) or criticisms (of people/celebrities, books, TV shows, etc.)?

If you’re complaining non-stop, check yourself. Does the world need to know that you hate ___________________? Must you throw yourself into every discussion you find even mildly upsetting?

My friend Samantha, one of the most lovely people I’ve had a chance to meet from the blog world, has started tweeting a few nice things a day with the hashtag #SaySomethingNice. Others have made it a point to only mention business they love online.

My point is this: try and not only stop complaining, but start adding to the positive environment. Even for a day.

What are you bringing to the table?: I see certain people consistently embroiled in heated discussions or drama. And I’ll be honest: it’s very rarely unprovoked.

If you’re finding yourself at the center of negative or heated exchanges, ask yourself: “What energy am I bringing to this part of my life?” If you act aggressively, express a lot of strong opinions, and make blanket statements about others, it’s likely you’ll get the same in return. If you want to use Twitter as a place for heated discussion, that’s cool, but don’t act surprised when you get backlash. You tend to get what you give in life, and online. And while it can be painful, if you’re havig the same issue again and again, check the common denominator: it’s you!

Would you say it to their face?: This tends to be my golden rule of online interactions: if the person I’m about to tweet/comment to was sitting in front of me, would I interact the same way?

I see people go after their online friends for grammar errors, semantical phrasing, and the smallest of opinions. It’s easy to say things online, because we can unplug and hide away. It’s also easy to forget that on the other side of those words is an Actual Human, who has feelings. Sometimes, as much as it’s fun to correct people or get into an argument, it’s better to just let it go.

Again, if you wouldn’t say it to their face, you might not want to tweet it, or leave it as a comment on their blog.

Don’t take it personally: I am realizing more and more that my time and energy are limited. This means that I’m carefully considering every person I follow on Twitter, every blog I read and every bit of time I spend online. I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of meeting someone who seems nice and interesting, and then realizing that it’s just not working. I used to feel bad about not wanting to be best friends with everyone, but the older I get, the more I realize that it’s okay: some people aren’t a match.

An unfollow doesn’t mean that you’re a horrible person: it means that for now, your tweets and views on life aren’t meshing for the person doing the unfollowing. Sometimes it’s about you, but most often, it’s a personal choice they’re making. I used to feel really insanely guilty about unfollowing people or unsubscribing to their blogs. I don’t anymore. At this point in my life, I’m really interested in filling my life with people and activities that refresh and encourage me. Sometimes, even if someone or something seems wonderful to others, it’s just not for me. And that is okay.

Similarly, I don’t expect everyone to love my blog or tweets. While I’d love you to feel differently, as long as my family/boyfriend/handful of close friends think I’m doing okay, than I’m less concerned with the Internet as a whole.

What do you want to get out of your time online? This answer is different for everyone. Some use the Internet as a way of socializing, for others, it’s a place to debate.

For me, I want my time online to enhance my life. Not complicate it. I refrain from posting political rants, salty tales about my life and anything that is going to upset my family/friends. Sometimes, I long for more anonymity and the ability to post and say whatever. But at the end of the day, I’m good. Because I want the Internet to be a joy, not something that brings me down.