While I am normally the sort of person who delights in rare and fun extra time (daylight savings time!), today has sort of left me underwhelmed and not very leap-y.
I’ve been thinking a lot about leaping, and how um, I don’t do it. To leap is to make a quick but forceful movement, to jump. I prefer my own method, which is “Make a lot of lists and worry about all possible outcomes.” I don’t make a lot of big decisions (or small ones) without agonizing and making lists and asking the people I love their opinion and kind of stressing out.
A few reasons why this isn’t awesome. It makes it really easy to just get stuck in the list making phase. If anyone expresses even a hint of doubt, I magnify it and doubt even more. Also, constantly fretting means I’m not very much fun.
One of my most memorable nights of the past year came in late summer. I’d already started teaching, and on my way home from school, Andrew sent me a text and asked if I wanted to go to our favorite kayaking spot. I had a pressing to-do list and the apartment was a wreck and it’d been a long day, but kayaking sounded amazing, and so I said yes. We went and had the best time racing one another and talking and laughing. Afterwards, we stopped for dinner and spent the night hanging out together and I went to bed happier and more content than I’d been in awhile.
All because I said yes instead of no. Because even though it was a little leap, it was a leap.
We talked about that evening the next day, and Andrew confessed how surprised he was that I’d said yes. At first, I was offended, because I don’t normally think of myself as such a nay-sayer, but when I really thought about it, I realized that he was right. I tend to say no, to make excuses, to want to do the practical thing, instead of just doing.
The older I get, the more I realize I get in my own way. I make workout schedules when I could just be working out. I agonize about how to proceed, instead of just proceeding. If I don’t do something “perfectly” or feel like I’m lacking the tools or know-how, I just don’t want to do it.
My fear of leaping leaves me paralyzed.
While I doubt I’ll ever be described as “carefree” because I’m just…not, I do want to leap more. To say yes without consulting my lists. To go do things and trust that everything will fall into place later.
To get out of my own way.
To just leap.
Do you just leap? Or are you a worrier? What leaps do you want to take?
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This is a great post. I am just like you, a To Do List maker, instead of a Doer. Your line: ‘I prefer my own method, which is “Make a lot of lists and worry about all possible outcomes.” ‘ is so true. I can relate to that 100%.
My boyfriend says “Analysis is Paralysis”. When he first said that I was so offended, but I can see that in some ways, he is right.
For me, the fear in leaping is the whole “not knowing where I’ll land” bit. But, I think, like anything, leaping takes practice. Leap often enough, and you start to gain the confidence that you’ll always land…it might be ugly or uncomfortable or amazing or 1,000 miles from where you’d intended. But, you WILL land. And you’ll sort out whatever’s on the ground around you when you do.
I’ve learned that my greatest hurdle in leaping is a lack of confidence in my own strength and ability to deal with what happens. Funny thing is? I’ve reached a point where I’d rather leap than stand still. Because I have never, ever, ever regretted a single leap (good and bad, big and small, messy and clean) that I’ve taken.
I feel like I’m in a difficult situation because I tend to be a bit of both sides- and I never know which one is going to come out. I leap sometimes and then worry if I shouldn’t have. I don’t leap and then worry if I should have. I drive myself crazy and constantly wish to myself that someone would just come along and tell me what to do every time I have to make a choice. Needing validation like that is exhausting. I wish I could just be okay with whatever I choose to do in the moment and quit worrying that I’ve done the wrong thing.
Analysis is definitely paralysis – I wasted a bunch of time last month because I froze when it came to making a decision!
Funny that you write this, Amy. Last night I was persuaded to go out to town – I’m not the kind of person to go out to bars/clubs on a weekend, let alone a Wednesday night, so very uncharacteristic for me. Have to say it didn’t end well, though – a spot of dehydration, nearly passing out (and no, I hardly danced at all – probably a combo of not eating much that day – my appetite has shrunk after a bout of flu – an hour of Zumba after work, and not drinking much water between then and heading out to the city).
When I was younger, I had no qualms about leaping. Skydiving? Sure! Drop everything and go to Australia for a year of fun? Sign me up! But now I’m older (and a little wiser), I’m often paralysed by the thought I might get it wrong. Geez, I spent 3 weeks agonising over the curtains for my new place. I mean, they’re curtains! Worst case scenario, I hate them and have to get new ones. So, yeah, somewhere along the line I lost my leaping mojo. I need to get it back, which I think means I need to get my confidence back.
I feel like I could have written this post! I find that my default response to a choice is usually a “no,” and the times I do say “yes” often occur because a good-hearted persuasive person has worked hard to change my no’s into yes’s. I’m so much fun to be around!
I agree with Hannah above; I think a lot of my own troubles with leaping come from not being sure about what’s going to happen once I do. I like to know all the steps and have a definite plan/outline. This year, I’m trying to build my confidence and take to heart the belief that a step in any direction is better (or at least more interesting) than standing still. And I’m practicing letting go of the little decisions– I do not need to agonize over shampoo brands or whether to go to the gym in the morning or after work (two actual things that I have been known to do!)
I am a worrier at heart, but I’m learning to leap more. One of the bigger leaps I made was when my boyfriend first asked me out. I hadn’t thought about it at ALL… and I just said yes, because that’s what felt right at the time. It was a superb decision because he’s a really great guy and our relationship is awesome. Now I’m learning to do it more often, usually with smaller things.
I am definitely a worrier. I cannot help it. But sometimes, I recognize what I’m worrying about and still jump. But some days are easier for that than others. I’m really trying not to let that hold me back.
I’ve taken many huge leaps that were pretty spontaneous but I worry far more often. Sometimes, with these huge leaps like the new job, I will have panic attacks leading up, worry far too much but in the end have to make a snap decision, otherwise I will overthink and never act. I’m trying to get better about that!
I’m a bit of both actually. Though I do have to admit that most of my leaps are pretty calculated in that they are leaps I know more or less I can take. The one big leap I did take was quitting my job before knowing I was accepted at my current course. It did pay off in the end so that’s lovely.
A Chilean friend of mine was telling me about a Spanish song that says something along the lines of “Just jump if you have the courage. Just jump and be happy” I’ve been trying to make that my mantra for the last couple of years. I get stuck in the “oh I’ll just do it tomorrow” part and then laziness and forgetfulness takes over. Just jump! And do it now! The universe will always catch you!
Ha I know exactly what you mean about making lists instead of just doing. For me, making lists is a way of avoiding work…but when it comes to being spontaneous, I like to think I’m usually a yes person. Unless I’m in super anxiety mode, in which case the only thing that I’m saying yes to is more coffee. And potato chips. And freakout moments. (Sorry, loved ones).
Here’s to saying yes more! Going kayaking sounds awesome, and a great stress reliever to boot.
I’m a worrier, a planner, a scheduler, a list-maker – not a leaper. On the rare occasions when I do “leap” I spend days fretting about it afterward. Yesterday was the early bird registration deadline for a half-marathon I plan to run in May. I decided to “leap”, fork over the $60, and sign up, and I’ve been dry heaving about it ever since.
I’m exactly the same way! I’m terrible with big decisions, and not great at little ones either. I think my constant list making and planning is just a way to try and exert control over a situation I can’t control…or rather, a way to feel like I’m taking action when I’m really just avoiding action.
Excellent, Amy. These are the kinds of posts that make me think we share a brain. All that business about list-making and planning and not actually doing – that’s me to a T. I’m not sure when this happened – is it because as an adult with a job you are expected to plan ahead? Because when I was a kid I just did things. It didn’t take three weeks to plan a playdate with a friend – you just went over to their house that afternoon! Now it seems like it takes weeks of scheduling just to meet a friend for lunch. It takes multiple lists and outlines and various steps before even starting, much less completing, a project. I waste so much time planning instead of just doing. The more I plan, the more anxiety it causes me and the more I procrastinate and struggle with making a decision. At this point I’m not even sure what leaps I want to make. (Maybe I should make a list! Wait, no!)
Also, I want to go kayaking with you now!
I think I’m a little of both. I find myself being very spontaneous much of the time and trying to yes myself to death to the point where I don’t leave extra time and feel burnt out. But there is also the super list-maker side of me as well…the one who not only makes “To Do” lists, but indicates an hourly schedule for these items to get done. I’m a total contradiction.
I’m both, I guess. At least I like to think so. I’ll plot and plan and scheme and write lists, but I’ve gotten better about just doing. I have moments of mandated leaping, in a way. On vacation, I try not to over plan, try not to over work myself up over all the things we HAVE TO DO. But I’ve found myself getting caught saying no to spontaneous adventures too, just because they weren’t on my to-do list for the day.