This week is really killing me slowly. Or maybe not slowly, because I’m pretty sure that once Friday rolls around, and I’ve graduated my 8th graders, I’m just going to come home and die on my couch of exhaustion and the aggressive sads. Except that I won’t, because I’m going to go see Sex And The City 2 on Saturday night with my new sister-to-be, Lauren (Hi Lauren! Twice in a month!) and our friend Courtney, and I’m so excited I could die of THAT because I love that series even if some people think it’s awful.
Anyways, I know the entire internet is sick of hearing about Vegas, but let me be clear: none of us have gotten it back together yet. My g-chat and text inbox are full of the sads and incoherent messages and questions about why life sucks this week for all of us. I mean, I didn’t even drink that much or do anything truly wild, but I am still so tired and still missing my friends and just sort of out of sorts about the whole thing. I loved every minute of that trip, but I feel like I’m seven years old again and my mom is all, “You’re not going to another sleepover party ever again if you’re going to be so miserable the next day!” Except I’m not seven, and you can bet the farm that I’ll be at BiSC 2011.
Besides that whole missing people and just wanting to be in the pool with a pink drink, there’s the fact that I haven’t even done the most basic of things like unpack. I went to get something out of my purse WHILE AT WORK and instead pulled out a sequined superhero mask and a mini bottle of Skyy Vodka and Dave Navarro’s boarding pass and then I just tear up all over again over the little alternate reality I lived last weekend.
On top of that whole thing, I’m cleaning out my classroom. I really have no clue how I accumulated so much CRAP over three years. Books and folders and handouts and student work and the thing is, it’s all organized, there’s just so MUCH. Plus, it’s beyond emotional to realize that I am actually leaving this place. I started teaching at my current school three years ago, when I was 24, single, completely unprepared for the realities of being a teacher and a Real Grown-Up. This school has been my home. I’ve become an adult there, not just because of teaching, but because of all the things I’ve experienced there. I’ve become confident in my abilities as an educator, learned how to wrangle 14-year-olds with the best of them, and learned some exceptional “your mom” jokes. I’ve made good friends and colleagues who I value.
I can hardly believe the journey is coming to an end.
Not to get all Semisonic on you guys, but I’m just trying to believe that all these endings are really just beginnings. That the end of Vegas was really just the beginning of so many new friendships, that whatever job I end up in next year will be the beginning of something even better, that next week, when I’m sleeping in and have time to breathe and there are no 14-year-olds saying my name over and over again, I’ll feel better and happier and all this weird ick will fade away.
- I love coffee as much as the next person. Probably more, even. Still, I get really annoyed with people who act all, “OMG, I CANNOT FUNCTION BEFORE I’VE HAD MY COFFEE.” Look, I’m tired, you’re tired, and yes, coffee is amazing for a little pick-me-up, but COME ON. Suck it up, put on your big girl panties and be NICE to people, coffee or not.
- Speaking of coffee, I am SO not into the fact that the 17-year-old barista at Starbucks calls me “hon.” UGH.
- Apparently, I’ve got some sort of magnet that causes bad customer service to be attracted to me. From restaurants who royally screw up my night to companies saying one thing to doing another to the aforementioned “hon” usage above, I AM OVER IT. I’m not sure when it became socially acceptable to be awful to customers, but seriously STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
- My car has no air conditioner. Sadly, until this whole “layoff” deal is done and over, I’m not able to shell out the $1200 to fix it. Looks like those of you who are fortunate enough to hang with me can look forward to sweaty, windblown Amy indefinitely. AWESOME.
- I love my job. Or, I loved my job. Now that I know it’s over, it’s seriously difficult to focus. Thirteen days. And then, movin’ on up!
- Also, no offense to anyone who may or may not have made this comment to me, but if I hear one more time, “How can they let you go? YOU’RE A GOOD TEACHER.” I know. Thank you. Sadly, the system has nothing to do with performance and everything to do with seniority. It’s the pits, yo. Thankfully, things are looking up.
- People who drive slowly, who nearly rear end me, who weave in traffic, who stray from their lane, who don’t give courtesy waves. Basically, everyone on the road, I HATE YOU.
- When I mention not liking a food/song/movie and people GET OFFENDED. It’s not a personal affront to you because I don’t like tomatoes or whatnot. It’s a personal preference.
- This irritating thing that my students do when they can’t believe something, when someone gets in trouble, when ANYTHING happens really. It consists of this sort of gutteral “WOW” but extended so it sounds like, “WWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.” And it’s seriously annoying to hear “WWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW” all day long.
- Facebook in general, but Facebook statuses that include declarations of love, constant bitching about things you’re doing nothing about, bowel movements of your children, expressions of political beliefs and just about anything. Facebook should be lighthearted, silly and used for stalking, NOT a place for the airing of grievances with people you live with. That’s what REAL FIGHTS are for. Get off your laptop and do some old fashioned yelling!
- The fact that my blessed union, the California Teachers Association is running this “pro-teacher” commercial highlighting how awesome we are, etc. etc. YET 23,000 OF US ARE BEING LAID OFF. Um, why don’t you put some of that airtime towards SAVING SOME JOBS?! Just a thought.
- The fact that it’s only Wednesday and not Friday and not Vegas Thursday and not the last day of school.
{via}
I’m not sure about you, but this week has really taken it out of me! Between work, writing, working out and some new, fun possibilities I’m really excited about, I am EXHAUSTED. I have a super busy weekend ahead, but I’m secretly hoping I can find a few hours to lay in a field. Still, I am feeling inspired, refreshed and excited, which is good!
Here are some of the things that are inspiring me this week:
- The ever-so-lovely and beautiful Kyla Roma knocked it out of the park this week with her new project, Four Little Pots. I downloaded and printed my copy of the E-book yesterday and oh my goodness, it’s adorable. I can’t wait to get started with my little herb garden! Because there’s a good chance I’ll be moving soon, I chose not to do a full garden like last summer — these four little pots will satiate my need for growing lovely things.
- I’ve developed a slight blog/life crush on The Urban Hippie: her pics are great and the things that she and her friends do for fun seem absolutely awesome. She’s a friend of some of my friends, so I keep hoping someday, I’ll be invited to a Pirate Party.
- The idea of networking sort of frightens me. I absolutely loathe sales pitches and doing one about myself sounds awful. Still, lately I’ve been finding myself in situations where a little networking would do a girl good. Thankfully, the ever-so-awesome Sarah Von of Yes And Yes put together a little series called “How To Hustle Like A Gangsta: Networking With Style, Soul and Substance”. Even someone as hesitant as me can put this guide to good use.
- Are you reading Helen Jane? Her entertaining tips, love for bocce, simple menus and joie de vivre will no doubt cheer you.
- If you’re looking for a few albums to put you in the mood for summer and some dancing, look no further than the new Girl Talk (downloadable here) and B.o.B.’s “The Adventures Of Bobby Ray” — both have had me car dancing like whoa.
- Your mom always told you to write those thank you notes. THXTHXTHX is Leah Dietrich’s daily exercise in gratitude and I’m a little bit in love with it.
- It’s no doubt that you’ve heard of The Happiness Project, but I am currently reading the book and feeling absolutely inspired by the small changes and great ideas for having a more joyful life. Read the blog or better yet, buy the book.
That’s what’s inspiring me this week! Now, it’s off for a weekend of concert in the park, helping Elizabeth and company with their backyard re-do for Turf Wars (it’s my chance to make it on TV!) and most importantly, celebrating my mom who is celebrating both her birthday AND Mother’s Day on Sunday! Should be a great weekend.
What’s inspiring you? What are you up to this weekend? Leave your answers to both in the comments…I’m always into reading new good things and hearing about fun plans.
Happy Friday!
The thing about being single for any period of time is that dating has to happen, right? Like, friends and family cannot help but mention everyone in the world that you might hit it off with. Sometimes, it’s a good thing, but most times, it’s kind of a mess, am I right? Well, when I was single a few years ago, I had one friend who was absolutely OBSESSIVE about hooking me up with the perfect guy. We’re not friends anymore, so I can say this now: the girl had the worst taste in who I should date. THE ABSOLUTE WORST.
This one could actually be my favorite, because this guy was clearly so weird and rude and awful in general. My friend had some people over, and apparently, this guy was a friend of her boyfriend’s and he thought I was cute (I have NO recollection of meeting him, so…) and got my email address.
Via email, this guy was hilarious. He asked good questions, made me laugh and seemed incredibly intelligent. One of the funniest emails he sent me was a top ten list of things that suck about dating, before asking me to meet him for a beer at one of my favorite bars. I was really excited, because he seemed so funny. He definitely wasn’t the cutest guy ever, but I love people who are funny and figured if anyone could make me laugh out loud over email couldn’t be too terrible.
I arrived at the bar that night in a cute outfit, and found him sitting outside with a beer in front of him. I grabbed a framboise and joined him.
And then, he just sat there.
I TRIED. Seriously. I like to think I’m fairly easy to talk to: I like hearing about other people, I ask the “good questions” and make fun of myself and I am genuinely, really, truly interested in what you have to say. My time with this guy was no different. I asked him questions about a family event he’d mentioned, his job, his life. I prattled on about the weather. I DID MY BEST. Really. I kept waiting. How could this guy, who was so funny via email, be such a complete dud?
Thankfully, the people next to us were having a very juicy conversation about how one man was cheating on his girlfriend and trying to break it off. One of my least-appealing characteristics is the fact that I absolutely love listening to other people’s conversations. I know, I know, I’m going to hell for being a notorious eavesdropper, but I don’t care. I sipped my drink and listened intently, and finally, 10 minutes later, my date noticed that I’d stopped peppering him with questions.
“You like listening to other people’s conversations, huh?” he grunted.
“Oh, yeah…um, you know…anything that’s interesting or funny or awkward. It’s bad, I know…I just…”
He looked at me for a second.
“Awkward conversations?”
I nodded.
“Like this one?”
AND THEN? HE CHUGGED HIS BEER, SLAMMED IT DOWN AND WALKED OUT OF THE BAR. No, I am not kidding.
No goodbye, no nothing. Just chugging of beer, and then out.
The kicker?
He totally kept emailing me.
We didn’t go out again.
I KNOW.
Most weekends at my house are spent in a glowy haze of pajamas, of blogs and internet dabbling, of catching up on the adventures of Benson and Stabler or the Real Housewives. But lately, I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed with the idea that I’m not really doing anything at all with my free time.
So, this weekend, I tried a little experiment. I made a little “to-do” list: nothing stressful, just fun activities I’ve been meaning to try, with a few chores mixed in, too. I wanted to know if I’d feel more or less stressed out come Monday morning if I did more than I was used to.
This weekend, I:
- Spend Friday night reading, writing in my journal and taking a nice, long bath instead of watching TV
- Grabbed a bagel and coffee before cheering my students on at an Academic Pentathlon competition
- Hit up the grocery store
- Tried a DELICIOUS new recipe and baked some vegan cupcakes (more on these things tomorrow!)
- Watched the documentary “We Live In Public” while working on lesson plans
- Went to the Farmer’s Market
- Hit up my FAVORITE thrift store and made out like a bandit with three skirts, two shirts, two pair of BRAND NEW shoes, two purses…for $42!
- Did ALL of my laundry and re-organized my closet
- Saw my little brother’s brand new house
- Celebrated my sister-to-be’s birthday with my family
It was an amazing weekend. I sort of unintentionally disconnected from blogs, Facebook and Twitter, simply because I didn’t have a lot of time. And, despite my deep love for laying around lazily, I feel bright-eyed and bushy tailed this morning — when my alarm went off for the gym, I didn’t even flinch!
I would call it a resounding success! Here’s to more weekends with a perfect blend of work, play and rest!
What did YOU do this weekend? Do you need your down time, or do you pack your weekends full of fun?
Likes to wear black dresses as often as possible, usually paired with bold jewelry or a scarf or a cardigan. Talks to only a chosen few on the phone, preferring text or email for communication. Stops talking in order to eavesdrop on nearby conversations. Keeps too many things a secret.
Reads only books that hold her attention after the first 50 pages; avid believer that life is too short to read bad books — but reads a lot anyways. Carries a book in every single giant purse she owns, because being kept waiting without entertainment is a punishment worse than death. Only uses pens, never pencil.
Loves being an educator, but is unsure if that’s all her career will hold. Dreams of being a writer, alone in a pale teal office everyday with her thoughts and words and books.
Pretends like things are going swimmingly, even on bad days until she crumbles. Changes into sweats or jammies immediately upon returning home. Finds solace in trying new recipes or baking, but doesn’t do either as often as she wishes.
Dreams about Paris daily; can’t believe she’s never left the country.
Listens to music at a ridiculously loud volume in the car, sunroof open whenever possible. Car dancer. Music taste ranging from classic rock to dirty hip hop to alternative rock and back through again.
Wishes she was more direct, and concocts excellent retorts in her head, but rarely says exactly what she’s thinking. Stops to watch kids play together. Finishes pasta; abandons chicken and steak.
Attends concerts as often as possible, wishes she went to more poetry readings. Terrified of vomit, loneliness, losing those close to her and never being happy. Angry at things she can’t control.
Good at making others laugh. Laughs at herself easily. Quick to cry.
Sometimes happy-go-lucky, sometimes panicked with worry; usually somewhere in the middle.
Never wears lipstick, preferring chapstick or lip gloss. Hates beets, tomatoes and dates. Loves mushrooms, cheese and chocolate.
Belly-sleeper, sleep talker, and insomniac, but not all at once.
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Your turn. What’s on YOUR resume?
This post was inspired by Zan, writer at the lovely A Cup Of Tea & A Wheat Penny. If you’re not reading her, you should go there and start now. She’s truly wonderful.
Sometimes you just have to decide to see a show on a whim, especially when you’ve been pouty about not getting tickets.
Sometimes the planets align and everything comes together.
Sometimes you have to say “screw bedtime!” in favor of an experience that you just know will be amazing.
Sometimes you have to let lyrics move you to tears, because they are beautiful and brave and true.
Sometimes you can’t sit anymore and have to rush the stage because this crazy little band with a banjo, a bass, and so much talent has absolutely wowed the crowd, and you won’t be contained anymore.
Sometimes breaking your routine is exactly what you need.
Sometimes a random Tuesday will wind up being one of the best days ever.
Now, your turn: what’s your “Sometimes _______________” for today?
- So, today, I am wearing black eyeliner. You should know that I use Bare Escentuals make-up, so putting on eyeliner is A Monumental Task that involves carefully dipping a tiny brush into powder and carefully applying it, with hopes that I don’t completely wipe black powder all down my cheeks. I learned the hard way that NO, YOU CANNOT JUST WIPE IT OFF. Anyways, I am wearing it today, and everyone is all, “Oooohhh, you’re WEARING MAKEUP!” Um, bad news kids: I wear makeup everyday, just not eyeliner. Is it that NOT OBVIOUS? Do I normally look like utter crap? I am…saddened by this.
- In the same vein, I am wearing a dress today, sans tights or leggings, and someone else exclaimed, “Oooh, watch out! She shaved her legs!” I realize that there are many women who go all winter with nary a swipe of a razor. I hate all things body hair, so while I may get a little stubbly, I NEVER, EVER go for long periods of time without shaving. Also, REALLY, MY SHAVING NEEDS TO BE ANNOUNCED? Thanks for the awkward Monday Kick-Off. Why do people say such things? Also, do I give off the vibe that I might not shave regularly? I mean, sure, I’ve got a little Dirty Hippie in me, but REALLY? My shaving warrants fanfare?
- I share a bathroom at work with about 20 other adults. Sadly, I sometimes retreat to the student bathroom BECAUSE IT’S CLEANER. Seriously, I fear the houses of these people. Makes it easy to hold my appetite at potlucks!
- I just saw the Avett Brothers play at Coachella, but I just found out they’re playing here tomorrow night and I don’t have tickets and they’re sold out and I need to know: if you’re a hip, show-going type, HOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP UP WITH ALL THE CONCERT DATES? I feel like I’m forever disappointed that I just missed someone playing a super-small club in Sacramento and I want to be Hip, kids. I really do. How do you stay abreast of such details? I don’t have time to crawl every band’s site. I just don’t.
- Do you ever look at your calendar, and see it full of Good Things, but simultaneously want to crawl in a hole, because you just want to sleep and rest and not go anywhere, ever? Okay, yeah, ME NEITHER.
- I like my life so much better when I do things I did last night: make my lunch, lay out my outfit, put my keys and sunglasses in a location where I can find them, etc. I end up starting the morning fairly calmly instead of running around the apartment like a complete idiot. I KNOW THIS, AND YET…why do I not do it every night? Surely, I can skip the last five minutes of whatever ridiculousness I’m watching…AND YET.
- I (should) get my final credential today, after two years of being on an intern credential, and one year of a preliminary and I am so excited I could die because I’ll no longer have seminars or work or observations, though I will miss my mentor teacher desperately, but STILL I AM DONE AND I HAVE CONVINCED CALIFORNIA THAT I AM COMPETENT AT TEACHING. So much so that I may not have a job next year. That’s irony, kids. Still, my relief will be palpable this evening.
What are YOU thinking about today?
I was the recipient of an absolutely adorable bicycle for my birthday. See?
I love it. It’s so cute & the basket is removable, so that when I go to the Farmer’s Market or ride to my favorite coffee shop, I can put things in it & shop with it & I AM IN LOVE.
Still, I have to be real with you here: I’ve not always been a bicycle person.
Riding a bike is one of those thing kids learn early. I have a friend who has a two-year-old who rides a bike. Without training wheels. Far distances. Most everyone I know was tooling around the neighborhood on two wheels by the start of kindergarten.
Me? Not so much. And by “not so much” I mean that I didn’t learn until I was EIGHT. EIGHT YEARS OLD. Yes, I didn’t learn to ride until I was in third grade. I know. Third grade.
The thing is that I was really, really scared. I was scared of everything that comes with riding a bike. Pedaling. Balancing. TURNING CORNERS. No, really — seriously, I used to ride straight down the street & then get off my bike, turn it around & ride it back down the street. And ohmygod, CURBS. CURBS used to freak me out. One time, when I was just getting the hang of riding a bike, I did that stupid thing where the wheel sort of rubs the curb and BAM, I flipped over & clearly, I am still traumatized.
Don’t even get me started on our driveway. As a child, our driveway might as well have been Everest. I was PETRIFIED of riding down it, sure that I’d go careening to my death, at the bottom of a little concrete hill. My childhood home is on a very standard suburban street, & there is the tiniest of slopes when you turn around the corner. As a kid, this used to absolutely scare the hell out of me. I used to cry & plead & beg to not have to go down the hill.
Let’s pause here for a moment of silence for MY PARENTS who had to deal with my childhood neuroses. We’re not the bravest family ever — there shall be no family skydiving or anything soon — but, they also weren’t afraid of riding a bike. Bless them for dealing with their spaz of a daughter who WAS petrified of absolutely everything.
The thing is that once I learned to ride my bike, I loved it. I loved riding around the neighborhood, rode my bike to school & sincerely enjoyed being outside on it. In fact, this past year or so is the only time in my life that I haven’t actually owned a bike. I’m not big into trails (SCARY!) and whatnot, but I do love a leisurely ride around the neighborhood, or being able to grab coffee without getting in the car.
I’ve spent a lot of my life being afraid of things. If there’s something to be nervous about, you can almost always bet that I’m not only nervous about it, but actually completely terrified. It’s not something I’m proud of, because truthfully, most things end up being like my bike: something I was completely afraid of becomes one of my favorite things to do.
I’m trying to remember that more & more these days. That sure, you can be a little nervous, but after that? You’ve got to go for it.
It’s usually pretty rewarding.
What were you afraid of as a kid? What things do you do now that used to scare you?
So, my birthday will go down as one of the best days ever, SERIOUSLY, because it was absolutely awesome. Between waking up to tweets & emails & Facebook posts & getting this adorable video & cards & texts & calls & all sorts of other goodies. My students surprised me with cakes & cards & sweetness.
Andrew went above & beyond: I was told to meet him in downtown Sacramento, & after a short walk, we arrived at a bicycle shop, & now I am the proud owner of a new turquoise beach cruiser bike! After seeing “Date Night” (which was hilarious!) we had a lovely dinner at Il Fornaio, where we were seated at what they called “The Table Of Honor” which meant appetizers, a pasta appetizer, an entree & dessert. I also had a sidecar, which got me tipsy, & yes, you had to basically roll me out of there when dinner was done.
It was an INCREDIBLE day. So full of love. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
For me, birthdays are half fun & half serious. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to accomplish in the next year, about what I hope to be like when I turn the next age, about taking stock of where I’m at & where I hope to be. I know I spend much of this blog ranting on about goals & hopes & dreams & how inspired I am & all sorts of other drivel that I’m sure is quite painful to read over & over again, but yeah, that’s what I’m thinking about. Again. I AM SORRY.
The picture above says it all…to find you, to be you, & to be happy with that. I like to think I’ve found me, well, most of me. Now, to work on being me, & most importantly, being happy with me. It’s a constant battle, isn’t it? This being happy with ourselves. I’m slowly but surely learning that the more I work towards what it is that I really, really want, the more I feel like me.
Every year, I try & focus on a few things to keep me on track for the next year, things I hope to say I’ve done by my next birthday.
This year, I’m hoping & dreaming & scheming about:
- Writing. Doing it, daily. Looking for chances to write for money, but mostly, just writing for myself, because I love it.
- Health. Not weight loss only, but on eating well, on making exercise part of my life, more yoga, lots of bike rides & veggies & things that are good for me.
- Joy. Lately, I’ve been reminded that there is so much good in my life, so much love. I want to focus on more of THAT. More good stuff, less stressing about things I can’t control & more enjoyment of the small, good things that fill my days.
Three seemingly small things, but things that I know will make my life so much better.
What are YOU focused on right now? Do you set goals on your birthday?
Again, seriously, THANK YOU. Thank you so, so, so much. This place makes my life immeasurably better, every single day.
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