I’ve often said that my personality type is somewhat of an “extroverted introvert.” I need a balance between social interaction and being a total hermit. In my early 20′s, I often found myself out a lot—if friends were doing anything, they knew I’d be there in a heartbeat. I’d continue my pattern of late nights and social engagements until I was sick, exhausted or completely depleted of any energy for work or family or creative pursuits.
A few years ago, I made the conscious choice to stop feeling pressure to go out or be everywhere all the time. I felt so much more fulfilled when I balanced my time and energy and the things I was doing. I love the people in my life, but I also treasure the times when it’s just me, at home in my sweats, blissfully alone. I now schedule my time carefully—making sure I’m never “out” more than two or three times a week. The rest of my evenings, weekends and free time are spent writing, reading, in my bathtub, or on my couch.
Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs, tweets and Facebook posts about feeling overwhelmed by social media and needing a break. It got me thinking: WHY do people feel this way? I’m not judging. Trust me, I have moments when I think that if I read one more tweet, status update or blog post that I’m going to lose my mind. I’m curious as to how and why people get to a point where completely signing off feels necessary.
I love social media passionately. Still, there are days when I don’t tweet much, don’t comment on blogs, don’t really look at Facebook. I blog 5-6 days a week, sometimes more frequently, and sometimes less frequently. And if I miss a day? I don’t stress. Heck, if I wanted to take a WEEK off, I doubt I’d say anything at all—I’d just do it. I never feel overwhelmed or freaked out by my life online—it’s a balance. I applaud people for stepping away, but why not work towards managing feeling balanced all the time?
I am NO EXPERT, but here are a few things I actively practice to keep myself sane online:
- Set time limits. I usually try and do all of the “most important things” for my day before I crack open Google Reader. I might read it at lunch or if I have a spare few minutes in the morning, but I never, ever feel pressured to do so. I get to it when I get to it, and some days, I have oodles of time to comment and sometimes, I don’t.
- Using “hide” on Facebook and “mute” on Brizzly. I don’t mean to be rude, but there are some people who I’m sure are lovely human beings that rub me the wrong way. Rather than “UNFRIEND” or announce “Sometimes, I just have to clean house online!” and going on an unfollow spree (something that can be hurtful!) I just hide them, if it’s Facebook, or use Brizzly to mute them. It avoids the passive-aggressive or hurting of feelings, and it gives me a breather. And? They’re none the wiser—they can still “see” me and I get their @ replies. No harm, no foul, and if the day comes that I feel more hospitable, than I can unhide and voila!
- Being careful about what I blog. If there’s a controversial topic I’m considering writing about, or a very personal story I’m not sure about sharing, I try and think it through and wait before I post it. If it’s something that I’m sensitive about, I will usually decide against sharing. It’s not that I’m not genuine or vulnerable on my blog—it’s that I believe that my blog should enhance my life, NOT stress me out.
- Live a full life offline. No offense intended here friends, but sometimes, it concerns me when I read about people placing too much worth in their online life. I LOVE my blogging friends, the 20-Something Bloggers Community, and am looking forward to Vegas. That being said, I’m conscious of spending time offline with those I hold dear. I have a job that fulfills me. I have a family that I value. I have a variety of activities: reading, crochet class, writing in my journal, etc. that are important to me that don’t involve being online. I think that at the end of the day, as amazing as blogging and being online is, my offline life deserves the majority of my energy—and that’s where I put it.
- Bear in mind that social media and the Internet is there for your convenience. Again, there are no rules. I spend the majority of my days on “Invisible” on G-chat. My iPhone is surgically attached to me…except for when I don’t want it to be. I don’t have to check Facebook or Twitter or read blogs that annoy me: I can choose NOT to. So can you. It’s all your choice.
This post isn’t meant to be preachy, but just to remind my other social media obsessed friends that there’s no pressure. Enjoy being online—and never apologize for those days when you need to be away. It’s all about balance—and don’t worry, we’ll be here when you get back.
How do you stay sane online? Do you take social media fasts? Do you ever feel overwhelmed?
32 Comments so far
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I maintain my friends list on facebook. Unless I actively connect with you on some level – even if it’s not directly on facebook, I’ll delete you. I deleted my high school bff because she added me and never spoke to me, and we didn’t see each other anymore. I can be ruthless sometimes. I also tend to lurk offline, or block people on my msn list if I dont want to deal with them.
But then sometimes the quiet gets too much and I have to unblock or come out of hiding.
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By cuppycakes on 02.16.10 4:29 am | Permalink
I love this post sooo much. Social media is out there for you to have fun, not stress you out. After all isn’t real life can be stressing enough? As for offline life being super important, I so agree with this.
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By andhari on 02.16.10 6:28 am | Permalink
I agree with this post 100%.
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By Shannon on 02.16.10 7:13 am | Permalink
You’re quite right. I find myself checking Facebook a bit too much on quiet days and definitely feel the need to step away, but, really, it’s just a question of switching the computer off and getting on with things. I feel like it’s a fun thing to do when I’ve nothing else going on- real people are usually more fun, but it allows me to be a bit sociable while being a bit anti-social and staying home at the same time. If that makes sense. I’ll be pondering it all evening though- your posts have a habit of doing that to me.
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By Sarah Faherty on 02.16.10 7:56 am | Permalink
Well my social media fast wasn’t about feeling overwhelmed and fed up, for what it’s worth. I adore social media, but the aspect that I need a break from is that when I’m on twitter and gmail and google reader a lot I’m literally living in other people’s thoughts. After a while of that, I sometimes get the feeling that if I’m not on twitter I’m missing out on things that are happening. When I get that feeling I know I need to take a break.
Time offline is amazing for changing the pace that I approach things- everything is slower & more methodical, but it’s also the only way that I can gather up design inspiration, learn to draw, and really invest in my outside life. I need to take time outside that timeline of constant updates and high volume, low quality information. I don’t think that being online or offline is good or bad, but I know that taking time away from it here and there makes me appreciate it more, and helps me to check my habits.
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By Kyla Roma on 02.16.10 8:02 am | Permalink
Since I’m on a computer 40hrs. a week, I limit my time online when I’m at home. I still Twitter, but from my phone. I try to spend most of my weekends offline as well – otherwise I feel “too connected.”
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By Ari on 02.16.10 8:10 am | Permalink
Agreed. The internet is a tool, cell phones are tools, computers are tools. If they are distracting from instead of enhancing your life then you are using those tools wrong.
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By The Maiden Metallurgist on 02.16.10 8:11 am | Permalink
I agree with your post 100%.
I don’t consciously take social media fasts, but I do try to balance my online and my offline time. I know it’s important to not get swept up by the Internet, which can easily happen, if your social life is kind of “non-existent” due to lack of social events in one’s life. I also rely heavily on Internet interaction with my friends back home. Sometimes that’s all you have.
But you’re right – finding a balance and not letting the Internet stress you out is an important thing. Sometimes it’s good to keep the computer off for a day and do other things with your time.
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By san on 02.16.10 8:57 am | Permalink
I am pretty balanced with my online/offline lives, but for me it’s because I’m not a big name/face in the blogging world. My interactions with other bloggers is mostly passive, through comments or the occasional @ reply, because I haven’t made too many friends who I talk to all the time or who expect me to be available.
As of late, I’ve caught myself thinking too much about the “work” necessary to make myself more of a presence in the blog world (commenting more, writing more posts, redesigning my blog, etc. etc.). Part of me really wants to put in the effort because I appreciate the relationships that other people have. But at the same time, I often shrug it off and remind myself that I blog for my own benefit.
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By Cait on 02.16.10 9:27 am | Permalink
My point of overwhelm: Buzz.
So I deleted it.
TAKE THAT, GOOGLE.
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By LiLu on 02.16.10 9:52 am | Permalink
I think I’m the only one who finds “hiding” more offensive than just being deleted.
If I’m “annoying” to someone, I would much rather be removed from their life altogether.
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By Carrie on 02.16.10 10:44 am | Permalink
The first paragraph to this post describes me perfectly lately. So much in fact, I thought you were talking to me, haha.
I have plans of having a low-key weekend. I got a slowcooker and I want to try some recipes. I can’t handle another drama filled, crazy weekend like usual. It’s time to take some me time.
Thanks for the friendly reminder!
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By Erin @ My Way This Time on 02.16.10 12:13 pm | Permalink
I agree and disagree with what you’re saying. I largely agree with your advice regarding finding a balance. We all need to find our own individual balance. What makes sense for me (NEVER having a Twitter account – ever) probably doesn’t make sense for you.
That said, I think there is an overabundance of social media options out there. And most people who are interested in one are likely interested in a lot of the options. Or at least trying a lot of the options. And sometimes it’s hard to know where to draw the line. For some people, it’s all for most of the time and then none in order to rejuvenate. That’s how they find their balance. Though, why that has to be an issue or why there needs to be an explanation about it is far beyond me.
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By Nilsa @ SoMi speaks on 02.16.10 12:15 pm | Permalink
Remember when you used to sit in front of the tv or the nintendo on a really pretty day until you were a lovely shade of gray/green, and your mama would come snatch that remote or controller out of your hand and kick your ass outside?
I try to do that to myself every so often.
The other method is accidental- when “real life” is so fun and all consuming that I lose my “online life” for a week or so. That’s the best way to manage it, I think- to nurture a vibrant enough life outside of the digital world that you cannot help but be pulled away from it sometimes.
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By verybadcat on 02.16.10 12:41 pm | Permalink
I think that it’s like anything in life – at various points certain parts of our lives start to overwhelm us and so we need to step back and figure out our boundaries. Probably because social media is relatively new in the grand scheme of work, family and friends, it is something that creeps up on people. Also, I think some personality types are more prone to going gung-ho with things and then getting burned out. Not that I would know, of course.
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By Rebecca @ Diary of a Virgin Novelist on 02.16.10 12:51 pm | Permalink
I see where you’re coming from and agree that balance is key. But I feel that taking breaks that shake up the routine are healthy, and that includes taking time away from social media/smart phone/computer. It’s gotten to be pervasive in our society at this point and it is overwhelming. I think taking a break and living a day or five or 14 without it all can be great for a recharge.
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By Ally on 02.16.10 1:03 pm | Permalink
My greatest frustration with social media actually falls back on my lack of time management skills. I tend to ignore my Reader for days, and then become overwhelmed when I see a large number of unread items. It takes me weeks to respond to messages (which I’m currently working on), and I feel so guilty for “forgetting”.
I’ve changed my views a lot recently. Marking items as read can do wonders for my psyche – and I highly doubt anyone is offended. I worry about not posting regularly a bit, but I’m coming to terms with that. Mainly since I’m working on writing pieces of a bit more quality, which takes time. And I have a once-a-week posting goal which does leave me a lot of time.
Having a Blackberry has helped overcome the stresses of social media since I can be connected even when I’m away from my home computer. I used to become stressed if there was a lot to catch up on, but now i just ask myself “is reading that going to alter your life in a huge way?” If the answer is “no” (which it. almost always is) then I”m okay letting it go unread.
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By Manderz on 02.16.10 2:38 pm | Permalink
I think these are great tips! I never ever feel overwhelmed by social media or the internet! I LOVE it and consider blogging/twitter etc my main hobby. But I also know when to step away from it all
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By Amber from Girl with the Red Hair on 02.16.10 3:04 pm | Permalink
I deleted people on facebook recently…
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By Ashley on 02.16.10 4:16 pm | Permalink
We would get along splendidly.
That is all.
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By Alex on 02.16.10 5:22 pm | Permalink
What an excellent post. You give this topic such a good perspective. As a relatively new blogger, this post is super helpful. I think a lot of what you said applied to many different aspects of anyone’s life: work, friends, personal interests, alone time, family time, pet time, gym time, whatever time, it all has to be balanced.
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By Claire Suzanne on 02.16.10 5:54 pm | Permalink
For the most part, I don’t touch the computer when I’m at home. I have my pone, and I leave the computer alone. That’s probably partially to do with the fact that I don’t have a fully-functional computer at home, and maybe that will change when i do, but I hope not. That disconnected time is good.
My only guilt when it comes to social media is not participating in the blogosphere as much as I want to. But sometimes I’m just busy. And I like a lot of different blogs. I try not to let it get me down too much.
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By Andrea on 02.16.10 6:30 pm | Permalink
I really need to be better about having a balance, especially on Twitter. I am so addicted to it. Ugh, sad. Lately, I definitely need to take a little social media fast, it’s totally healthy.
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By Jessica on 02.16.10 7:44 pm | Permalink
Amy – this is exactly the kind of thing I have been dealing with lately. I have one weird friend, not really a friend but someone I have to be around while doing some service stuff at church, and she just abandoned all social media without a word. She feels as though she cannot just “be” but rather has to engage with every single one of her over 500 friends on facebook etc… It drives me crazy!!! You said it so well and I love your tips.
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By Jennifer Olson on 02.16.10 9:43 pm | Permalink
This is a great post to put things into perspective regarding the real world/social media world which I struggle to balance. I’ve been debating going off facebook/twitter/etc for a week just to show I can stay sane without them (of course this is much easier in theory I already suspect). Thanks for sharing your tips, they’re definately useful.
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By Meghan on 02.16.10 10:29 pm | Permalink
The days I feel overwhelmed are the days, like today, when I get back from a trip and have a million things in my reader. But it’s short-lived and I look forward to catching up on them all. I know people for whom social media takes up a BIG part of their life – despite having a million other real life issues that might benefit from the time being spent on social media, but for some people it seems kind of… addicting? I love writing, but if I’m too busy I’ll take a few days off or have a guest poster. Some days I go without Facebooking and my Twitter must be one of the quietest ones on the site, but if I have time, I’ll enjoy them. I LOVE having made connections with wonderful people through blogging (like you!) and do like to make the effort to keep in touch with them, even if I only have time to leave a quick comment instead of an email. But you’re absolutely right about living a full offline life, too. Social media is here for our enjoyment, not as a pressure or a chore that has to be attended to in order to feel complete. I think “time off” is always a good thing – the more time spent with loved ones in real life, the better! But I think if you feel like you need to have some time off, then maybe you’ve been spending too much time “on”.
Great post
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By Emily Jane on 02.17.10 7:44 am | Permalink
I’m guilty of deleting facebook friends, but it’s only those ones that were added haphazardly, and whom I never (I mean NEVER) have any contact with, on Facebook or in real life. I agree with Carrie about deleting versus “hiding” — why put up a facade if we both know that we’re not really friends and we never actually communicate with each other? It would be different if I deleted someone who was commenting periodically, or who tried to reach out to me or something; that’s definitely mean. But when I realized (recently, in fact) that I had nearly 800 “friends” on Facebook? I knew it was time to pare it down a bit. I deleted a little over 100 people, but I’m sure if I spent the time, I could remove another 100 or more, and those people would never know the difference, because we Never. Ever. EVER. communicate with each other.
But all your other points? I’m right there with ya. I especially need to be reminded about focusing more on life OFFline.
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By Tabitha on 02.17.10 12:06 pm | Permalink
Well said. I never take conscious breaks from the internet. I suppose I just balance it with my real life automatically – if I feel like not being online, I simply do other things. And I am also the type of person who cannot go out more than a few times a week because I very much need the time to myself.
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By Karen on 02.17.10 5:35 pm | Permalink
You already know I’m kind of fasting lately from blogging. I wouldn’t say it’s because I lead an imbalanced life, but because I sense that it could be heading towards an unbalanced place and rather than let it happen, I take a break from posting. It’s not because my life is only online, it’s just because I need to refocus on thinking things through rather than writing it out for the whole world to see.
I’ve made other changes too: check Facebook maybe once a month, mostly beacuse facebook kind of bugs me these days. I only check Google Reader once, maybe twice a week and I’m not afraid to hit mark all as read.
And I post things about me being away from the blogosphere because if I don’t I feel like I’m letting people down. It’s all in perceptions and I realize I control my perceptions but so many of my regular readers and commenters are my friends, I feel they have a right to know why I’m taking a break and so I tell them.
That and I have a serious case of writer’s block
Not to mention training for a race takes up a lot of time and so I feel bad when I don’t read/comment/email on blogs/to my readers. (I know, that’s all my own pressure, but it’s still there. I like to be a good friend both on and off the internet.)
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By Nora on 02.18.10 9:27 am | Permalink
I came here through Nilsa’s link to this post. I could not agree more (no suprise there, Nilsa and I think similarly!). Too many people have let social media become their life, and it becomes more of a burden than a pleasure!
I stay sane online by sticking to my “online time” – the 2.5+ hour daily train commute. I rarely turn my computer on at night and try to limit online time on the weekends (it can be hard sometimes). I get overwhelmed when reader is super full, but know that people aren’t expecting a comment from me, so it’s no biggie. And I do take fasts from time to time.
Great post!
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By kilax on 02.19.10 5:09 am | Permalink
i think it can be difficult to find that balance. and clearly, what works for one might not work for another. sometimes i just need a break from all things technology.
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By brookem on 02.19.10 7:47 am | Permalink
You’re spot on here. I haven’t blogged in a few days, and I doubt anyone is crushed to open their readers and not see me there. I think I’m on a lot more when things are slower in my personal life, but once things speed up, I sometimes forget about the internet, unintentionally. I find myself catching up on week old feeds, and I’m okay with that!
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By Her on 02.19.10 10:03 pm | Permalink
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